“I realize that I can be different and this place will help me clam down, make better choices so when I get out, I can make something of myself!”
A conversation that I had with one of the young men I work with last week was eye opening and powerful.
I’ve known this young man for a number of years in many schools and his life hasn’t been easy to say the least.
But he’s also admitted that many decisions he’s made that have caused much havoc in his life has been part of his own making.
The place that he is in now is a very structured, restricted setting where the staff lay out the ground rules and there is little or no leeway to get one’s own way.
What makes (I’ll call him Randy) his pronouncement so compelling is that for many of the young men in the same setting, there is a lot of blame, anger, frustration and that it sometimes takes a long time if at all to accept some responsibility for the reasons for that they find themselves where they are.
Another young man, (we’ll call him Fred) last spring had the same type of conversation with me except that in his mind, he couldn’t change his behavior and that he’ll always find himself in situations like this because well…. That’s the way it is.
Fred said that because his family was a mess from an early age growing up, his life was set up to be in trouble and that no one understands that he couldn’t possibly change at all.
In fact, Fred had been able to leave the setting 18 months earlier only to find himself back 2 months later because as Fred said, “I was running the streets!” Of course, anyone listening would say that it didn’t work out.
So how do 2 people who, for the most part come from the same type of background, have walked some of the same type of rough roads, made some dubious decisions look at where they are, and one can see that nothing will change because they cannot change?
The other looks at their situation and decides that they can learn some valuable lessons from the staff, change their outlook and views of themselves so they can actually grow and become more than they were when it’s time to move on into their future.
Part of it is perspective, part of it is realizing that we can only use excuses for only so long for suspect behaviors and actions.
Have you ever worked with people who have said, “that’s just who I am” when they would justify their surly attitude, callous commentaries, this is my character type of deal?
I am not sure if they believe that but……… is it true that once the so called “dye” has been set that nothing else can change that?
I think we can all agree that it isn’t so.
Interestingly enough, “Randy” said that he wants extra help and resources when he starts on a new path in a few months because as he said, “it’s time to be different.”
Over the course of the next month, with these young men, we’re going to work with these young men about not letting their past decisions, their present situation allow them to feel like they can’t change or grow from where they’ve been.
At a later post, we’ll revisit the tale of 2 boys and see where life has taken them.
If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living.
When the winds of change blow, some people build walls and others build windmills
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