An old Chinese proverb says, “If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.”
When I was a youngin, I used to have a snap temper. I would be fine until something would happen that wouldn’t go my way, somebody did something to do be wrong etc. but boy, the temperature would rise and all I could see was “White Hot”.
I’m grateful that my grade 5 teacher and my parents stepped in to remedy the situation. I learned all sorts of methods and plans to channel what I was feeling so I wouldn’t have to go through “100 days of sorrow” as I got older.
It has served me well but sadly, in the world I live and work in as most of us do, we face the onslaught of angry people all the time.
We face the onslaught of angry people all the time.
What is truly sad is the danger anger causes not only in the person who has the spirit of anger but those that are affected by the behaviors of said people.
Families, businesses, friendships many times are irrevocably stained from the behaviors of angry people.
And it’s not just the outburst angry people that can wreak havoc on others; the passive aggressive types can have just as much of an adverse effect on others as the noisy, loud ones.
Have You Ever Seen…..
The Excuse Of A “Little Bit” Of Anger
There is this notion regarding a spirit of anger that a little anger is tolerable. While it is true that the initial emotion of anger is not an offense, embracing it does no one any good.
Seriously, Allowing a little anger to continue is like letting a little fire burn in a dry forest.
Anger is like an alert signal that says something is not quite right. Could be some unresolved feelings or hurts that need to be addressed so we can become healthier.
Allowing a little anger to continue is like letting a little fire burn in a dry forest.
Unreliable Confidence That Anger Can Be Controlled
When did that ever really happen?
A lot of people think that a little anger is okay, so it stands to reason to then think anger can be controlled.
Dirty Little Dance Issue: when anger is not recognized and properly resolved, it quickly turns into rage, fury, bitterness, nastiness, or other crazy emotions.
A lot of people say they can control anger, it often actually means the thought we can contain the damage of unresolved anger. Nonetheless, one angry response produces different levels of pain among those who are hurt by it.
Like that wild fire, a spirit of anger is contagious—those who are around angry people can easily develop a spirit of anger and consequently damage others. So the destruction caused by one angry act is difficult to measure, and it is impossible to control.
Insensitivity To The Hurts Caused By Anger
Many do not realize how deeply their anger affects others. They skate over outbursts of anger and fail to ask for forgiveness and restore relationships messed up by conflict.
If life were such that when the angry one is going off, a mirror or recording is simultaneously happening so someone could hit the play back button so they could see all the damage they are creating.
I think If we could stand outside of ourselves and witness our angry actions and measure the mental and emotional responses of others, we might realize how damaging angry behavior truly is.
Pride And Domination
The controversy that comes from a spirit of anger is a clear indication of pride, because “Pride always comes with conflict.” Outbursts of fury, bitterness, or antagonism give a person a sense of power and authority as they attempt to control others.
I worked for a boss recently who used anger to dominate her employees. The result was a demoralized staff, dissension, infighting and war without the weapons between employees. What was scary was that months after her removal, people were still feeling the after effects of her rule.
Passive Aggressive Behavior That Is Cruel: The Silent Treatment
As we know it most, the silent treatment generally the ignoring another person, refusing to answer any questions, even refusing to recognize their presence. This type of silent treatment is very obvious. There are more subtle ways that the silent treatment is put to use.
Like the "accidentally" failing to acknowledge us type deal.
But then it is random so we have trouble knowing whether it is deliberate or accidental. But it is deadly because it is not yelling or screaming but a control issue for whatever reason that person is deciding to try and impose themselves on the other…
So, What Do We Do? The subject of anger is important to talk about especially in this era of rage, offense and specifically ideas on how to work through the anger moments. We may be on the receiving end of said anger issues and we need to keep our head on straight.
So Let’s Get Some Help.
Recognize When We Are Angry
Contrary to prevailing wisdom, anger isn’t restricted to moments when we lose our cool and fly into a rage. Anger usually starts the moment when we harbor negative emotions about something or someone. The more unhappiness ramps up, anger compounds…
Eventually there is that snap when anger hits a certain threshold and we just can’t hold it in any longer..
Understanding Our Anger Igniters
Do we know our anger igniters? What makes us angry? What sets us off? What is it that we just can’t stand?
Here’s a great little test: Why not over a 24 hour period, observe our reaction to everything that happens. Whenever we observe ourselves feeling irked or angry, jot down the igniter and add it to the list. Don’t try and create what isn’t there but don’t fudge by ignoring something that should be on the list.
Push A Little Deeper Into Your Anger Igniters
The List isn’t any good unless we go a little deeper and uncover some of the causes for our anger.
Sometimes, as we go deeper, we may find that our anger stems from past events which may mean…
We could still hold resentment and anger for things that happened in the past. Resentment and anger improperly processed, is a dangerous thing because many times under the surface, even though that original event is long over, there is a volcano waiting for the right ignition.
This brings us to the next step, which is…
Letting Go Of The Anger
Choose Different: Abandon the desire to hurt and hunt.
As we go about uncovering the causes of your anger igniters, it’s now time to figure out ways to let the anger go.
We must Challenge our assumptions and beliefs when we work through our complaints. Many complaints could be the result of some faulty thinking or maybe we could be missing a bigger picture.
Part of the letting go of anger is in the context of self-forgiveness, and it takes a while but somewhere along the line, we tend to accept that our anger didn’t do us many favors.
We Know We’re Starting To Get There When…
When memories of the issue no longer show up out of the blue, even when we’re not thinking about it. It’s a past remembrance which we think about as and when we want to.
When there are no feelings of negativity, sadness, disappointment, hurt, etc attached with the situation.
It Takes Effort And Work To Be Healthy In Mind & Spirit When We’ve Been Mistreated
Slow Down
We rarely get in trouble for what we don`t say or do. Use the gift of time, even just a few seconds.
Have Compassion For Ourselves
The moment of feeling “man, that hurts, I wish this hadn’t happened.”
Get On Your Own Side-Our Own Code
We choose a healthy version of us, but not we are against others. We establish future no fly zones in which we are not willing to allow others to disrespect and diminish us by their anger and negative behaviors towards us.
We do these things without putting people on “Blast” that have negative consequences for us and others.
The subject is vast so next week, we’ll continue Blindspot #2, The Dirty Little Dance Of Anger Pt#2.
The question will always be, so with what we now know, how will we look moving forward? I want to be better; Hope you agree!!!
For Better Days,
Dave
“Blasting another person with anger is like throwing hot coals with bare hands: both people get burned.”
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