Have has it ever happened that we found ourselves defining our life by a deep wound, looking at what we were before the episode and after that moment(s)?
I know this mess that we are living in has created more than just angst; it has separated friends and families for many different reasons and some of the things that have been said..... will we ever be able to get past it or reconcile?
Maybe there are some hits we've taken and it so affects us today that in a negative way, still takes our breath away?
This Forward Friday deliberation is an honest look at a tough subject to deal with. We've all at one point or another have had to deal with a hurt that has run deep into our souls and while there is no magic bullet to fix and remedy every situation, there are some things to consider to get us on the road to health.
Why not take a chance and give some thought to forgiving in a can't forget world? Not easy in the least but worth exploring this weekend!
Let's Get Into This:
What was it that knocked us off our spot?
The period of time that was so shocking.
The talks and discussions that flabbergasted us.
The day our lives doors seemed to be blown right off the hinges.
The divorce that broke everyone’s heart into tatters.
The death that still haunts us.
The girl/boy we thought was the one…until they called or texted and said they were going in a different direction.
The day the friend changed and they wanted nothing to do with us.
The repulsive conversation that sickened us to the core.
The comments, so hurtful that those words seems to now be branded into our psyche.
The day it seems as though everything flipped.
Family has become toxic and there seems to be no remedy to reconciliation.
It’s like we’re walking but if truth be told, sometimes, it still seems as though we are living in a fog like existence because we just can’t break away from that moment(s).
I understand this oh so well and it is interesting that after last week’s forgiveness post, there were a number of private responses asking if forgiveness was actually possible when dealing with a devastating hit…..
Some Personal, Devastating Hits....
As I've documented before, when I was 7 years old, I was assaulted by a family friend. The outgrowth of that moment didn't begin to wreak trouble until my mid teens but bulimia, suicidal tendencies were problematic for years.
Divine intervention and caring help later on helped and I've overcome much but trust issues, eating and weight issues, self worth issues were very much part of my landscape for years.
Not easy to understand how someone could do that to a little kid......
The girlfriend who I thought was the "One" until she wasn't and the crippling manner in which there was a public humiliation to call the relationship off. It took some years to finally go back into that town with no sadness in my heart and mind..... But man, It really hurt...
When I was fired from a place that I loved ands it was those who I thought I knew who fabricated stories to make it seem like I was of no use any longer. The public embarrassment of knowing that the truth was hidden and all that was seen and heard were anything but. The feeling of being emasculated and there was little if anything that we could do about it..... What do I do now? Where would I go and how will I get there?
Working in a setting that we had been fortunate to have incredible success, only to have a new leader come in and for many of us, beeline to belittle, disrupt and yes, even try to destroy careers. There came a point where driving into work in the mornings, I would jump when the phone would ring for fear of being yelled at for nothing I did but receiving a lot of bile and mess from a messed up person, especially one with the power to disrupt professional lives can be harrowing. Friends being pushed out, being threatened to be fired multiple times, the division created in a place where that wasn't the case just 1 year earlier...... But how could this be? How or why is this happening????
When we've been broken into a million pieces and it seems as though what we see now in the mirror and what is taking shape on the inside doesn't even feel right or normal, then we have to contend with thinking about forgiveness, it seems ridiculous to even go there.
But there is something I've learned in some of the above mentioned hurtful moments and memories......
It may not feel like it can be a possibility but forgiveness is not out of the realm of the impossible.
It's wonderful to receive forgiveness; on the other hand, very hard at times to dispense.
Maybe because without realizing it, the weight of not forgiving becomes a hidden gorilla on our backs or more importantly, a heavy pull on our hearts and souls that really never leaves.
This may sound crazy but while forgiveness is a difficult choice to make even at the best of times, this is the step that leads to something good.
Sometimes, we think not doing anything is an okay choice save the fact that the majority of the time, staying neutral just piles on more to the hurt we already feel.
Some Good Medicine To Consider
More Than Revenge, Forgiveness Is Actually More Satisfying
It's Been said that revenge is us paying twice for a hurt that someone else did to us.
We think it will make us feel better in the short term, but in the long term it will always cost us more emotionally and spiritually than we’d ever want to pay. The only thing our revenge will do is add our wrongdoing on top of theirs.
This Really Warmed My Heart
Forgiveness doesn’t let the other person off the hook. It actually places them in God’s hands. And then, as we walk through the process of forgiveness, it softens our heart. The peace from forgiveness is more satisfying then than revenge.
When we work hand in hand with God, He can help us in the area of forgiveness where we couldn't do it alone ourselves.
Ephesians 4:32 says possible. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Forgiving one another just as Christ forgave us. God knew we couldn’t do it on our own. So, He made a way not dependent on our strength. A forgiving way.
This Is Not An Easy Step But......
That person or people or circumstance—they’ve caused enough pain for us and for those around us. There’s been enough damage done. And we need not be held hostage by the pain. We get to decide how we move forward.
Forgiveness is possible. And it is good.
Epilogue: Full Disclosure
So, I'm in a better place than if I had decided to hold on to revenge, anger, resentment for some of the hurtful things that have happened to me.
Some feel that when we forgive, we can seem to be weak but really, it's a strength. Making the decision that trust lost means that while there is forgiveness, we are not doormats and we can decide to not allow those who broke faith and trust to ever have a place to do what they did again to us.
I realize that because I chose to forgive and not live in frustration, there have been new adventures, new friendships, personal growth that I've been blessed to enjoy that I otherwise may have not experienced.
Some things I'll probably never forget but I can say that the sting of those moments has left and also importantly, I am wiser as I walk the roads I'm on. I may not be looking around the corner, thinking that something bad will happen and I still hope and trust for the best in every area of life but history is a teacher and I am still learning to be sensitive and more aware.
So it's hard but we don't have to go it alone in the area of forgiveness.
I hope this is another starting point to help us on the road to forgiveness. No matter where we are, it is possible to forgive... even when we can't seem to forget....
Walking the road with you.....
Dave
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