I now have come to understand and believe that much of what we become depends a lot on what our fathers/father figures teach us at odd moments, when they aren't trying to teach us. We are formed by the little scraps of wisdom..
This is not an easy Forward Friday to write... probably because mom is not with us anymore and I found myself missing dad a whole lot...
We didn't have much growing up, we had everything we needed.....
I've been thinking about all the things I learned from him and realized I observed many more things about how dad operated so I decided to tell you a few things on why I think dad was a special man.
It's interesting on what we become thankful for: while we didn't have much growing up, we had everything we needed.....
On Trying New Things:
Dad was a Bermudian and the last time I checked, Bermuda didn't have any snow or ice rinks. So in our neighborhood, dad asked a few questions and voila, we the premier backyard (front yard) hockey rink on the street. Dad saw that we loved hockey from an early age and figured out with his carpentry background how to make a rink that we and our friends could enjoy. I never quite figured out how he made time for the rink in the winter but he did!
Solutions To Problems:
Growing up, I had a snap like temper at times and in grade 5, my teacher and parents were trying to figure out a way to channel the energy and heat I could sometimes generate in a flash.
So dad thought if I could get my emotions out by hitting something and not someone (insert smile), it could be a game changer.
So, he found an old tennis racket, put a few nails in it, taped it up and took me to a practice wall near our house and said, have at it... What started as a pressure reliever has turned into a 45 years plus love affair with tennis. I actually played school and club tennis and still love the major tournaments!
The Value Of Things:
We had the equivalent of Scouts back in the day called Crusaders and we had an all day affair in Kingston.
On the way home on the bus, I realized that I forgot my $12 orange canvas running shoes in the gymnasium in Kingston.
Needless to say, my derriere got a quite a warm reception at home.
He said, "The fact that you forgot what was yours says that you do not value what you have!"
What I learned was that the dollar sign on anything in my possession was not as important as recognizing that "Whatever is in my possession" is valuable and to be appreciative.
Courage/Humility:
Some would not know but dad was an ordained minister and at one point, had a number of offers to go back to Bermuda to lead some great churches.
But along with mom, decided to plant roots here in Montreal, with the far reaching outlook that there could be doors of opportunity for my brother and I to realize dreams and aspirations.
Not that Bermuda didn't hold dreams and promise but dad decided to submerge his dreams for us.
I think of the biggest smiles dad had were when both Keith and I graduated from higher learning schools and he had a huge smile the day I got married. I know he would have had the same big smile had he been alive when Keith got married too.
Grateful that he should have displayed amazing courage to sacrifice his dreams so that we could realize the ones we have achieved and the ones still in the dream manufacturing center.
Morality-The Ability To Say And Do The Right Thing(s):
So, one day on a city bus when I was probably 9 years old, we were sitting across from another family when the little girl who, was probably the same age as us said some things out loud that could have been seen as or taken as discriminatory. I recognized later on that she was probably parroting what she had heard in her house.
Dad calmly got up from his seat, walked over to the little girl, knelt down on one knee, took her hand and proceeded to give a 3 minute talk on cleanliness having nothing to do with the tone of the skin. After he finished, he gave the girl a candy and sat back down.
My brother and I looked at each other as in "What just happened?"
Over time, I came to understand that dad was speaking to the parents and the other adults on the bus, witnessing the moment.
It was brilliant; to get an enlightening point across using a conversation with a child to bring home a greater point to the adults.
Love For People:
One thing dad had a knack for was his care for people.
I saw it in the way he and mom would take care of the big church food events and how people would just gravitate to them. ie: Christmas banquets, Sunday school picnics.
They would congregate by dad's punch and while it tasted good, I think it was the man pouring the punch that made it all the more appealing!
We never had Christmas day to ourselves by the time I was old enough to remember.
Dad's logic: no one should be by themselves for Christmas day so we had students away from home, single people, couples and every year, there was always somebody new at the table.. with a gift under the tree for them too!
When we took over Christmas day from mom and dad, we couldn't help but carry on the tradition because it really does matter...
After dad's internment at the cemetery, we were back at church hall eating and reminiscing with friends and family when a woman from the church approached.
She told me the story of the apartment fire which left her and her sister out on the street years earlier.
When they found a new apartment, she still didn't know how dad knew where they had moved to but 3 days after being in the new place, there was a knock on the door one evening.
To their surprise was dad and another man with a fridge and stove. He said that they figured they would need the appliances and this would help them as they eased back into normal life. Never knew because dad didn't brag about anything; he just did!
Courage:
I sometimes think what it could have looked like: a black man coming to Toronto, Ontario to pursue his dream of being a minister.
Coming to a new place; a cold place, a place where few looked like him, a place where he faced discrimination but also a place where amazing love was poured his way and he kept moving forward.
To fall in love with a girl and letter write for 2 years to bloom a 49 year marriage and have 2 sons out of it, to leverage his carpentry skills, his speaking ability, his love for people, his love of family to leave an incredible legacy that has some serious shoes to even try and fill to this day...
I could go on but when I think of my dad, I only hope that if we had had children of our own, I could have been half of the incredible dad he was to us!
I want to think that the young people I've had the opportunity to encounter over the years have had some benefit vicariously of dad's influence in my life in some small way.
An amazing man, a genius, a wise, noble person and man of character. My dad!
Thank you Dad
Forward Friday is here!
Dave
Shout out to: I wanted to acknowledge for Father's Day 2 incredible, courageous men that I know. For varied reasons but nonetheless equally noteworthy, 2 men that I greatly admire, Richard and Dale!
#ForwardFriday #Fathersday #fortunate #greatdad #wisedad #noble #honest #humble #genius #noble #speaker #blog #charactercounts #courage #dad #friendships
Comments