Forgiving what we can't forget is very hard at times and it may seem like we get mired in the quicksand of frustration, anger, the why's that don't come with the appropriate answers we need etc.
But maybe there could be some ways to look at life a little differently to help us gain some forward traction and that while we may be looking for the perfect answer as to the "Why did this happen?", "Why did they do this to me?", maybe there is life to be lived that can help pull us along and up from those painful stings.
"Why did this happen?", "Why did they do this to me?", maybe there is life to be lived that can help pull us along and up from those painful stings.
Forward Friday speaks to potential of laying down our desire to get the answers to the questions we may never get answered and figure out how we can learn to live life to the fullest in spite of the moment(s). Here's to living with grace and hope!
Let's Get Into This:
So this past Labour Day weekend, we went biking up in the Laurentians, north of Montreal. We've biked on this trail many times over the years and it is beautiful scenery and nature that engulfs the trails for kilometers in every direction.
As we were getting to the halfway point of our excursion into the hills, we came across a small waterfall that empties out into a riverbed of rocks and the current creates powerful spray foam and it is quite fascinating.
But as we stopped to look at this little hidden wonder, I remembered this spot for another reason.
It was about this time of the year, 9 months after we had been fired and publicly humiliated in the community that we were on the same trail and had stopped at the same spot we were at this past weekend.
It is significant because that day, I stopped and couldn't stop crying for in those 9 months from the point of the firing, I was trying to find who I was...
I kept hearing these words ringing and it seemed like I couldn't shake it....
Was I really a failure as the world was being told I was?
Was I really not any good any longer at the trade I had so tirelessly worked at for years?
Was my life really a mess and out of control as was directed my way on firing day?
Had I lost my leadership and people skills all in one felled swoop?
Could I regain or recapture what was lost?
It's funny; sometimes, we need someone outside of ourselves to help point our attention and thinking into a different direction and help challenge our thinking...
At a certain point, Kelly said some things that began the process of healing....
Things like, "Like the water gushing down stream from the waterfall, the words and actions said need to be thought of the same way.
Don't try and push the water back upstream because you can't and everything said only matters if you try and hold the words as Gospel."
"The water rushing downstream cleans the sediments that begin to grow on the rocks; think of the past 5 months. That should help you understand that lies can't handle the truth."
We are interesting at times; I think there is a glamorization with pain that becomes toxic and because of it, people and their actions/deeds live rent free in our heads when they should have been evicted a long time ago!
What Did She Mean By That?
I had received a call to re-enter the school system when it became known that I was not working.
I was asked to fill in at a very tough school for 10 days. Those 10 days turned into 4 months and just being myself, when the end of the year came, teachers came up and said thank you for saving our year, thank you for stepping in and making us feel safe.
Kelly reminded me that not anyone could walk into any situation and be comfortable in being able to deliver what's needed to be done in any circumstance.
Kelly reminded me that just a few weeks earlier before the bike ride, I was asked to fill in at another tough school for the fall and if it was true that I was a failure, there's no way they would have hired me or at the very least hire me and when they would have seen that I was a failure, they would have let me go.
That day, years ago, as the tears dried, as I looked at the water gushing down stream, Kelly hugging my neck like she was grabbing a tree (It was fine), for the first time in 9 months, I felt like I could possibly make it.
Still was and I think will always be a work in progress of forgetting but as I looked at the water gushing this past weekend, I reflected that because while I had a hard time forgetting, I forgave those who had a hand in the pain and as I said in last week's post, forgiving them was not weakness.
When we forgive, it is empowering us from a point of painful, poisonous words/actions/deeds that dictated how we were living.
It's being able to say that in spite of those things, we may not like it but we choose to live a different way for our own sake, our own lives, our own mental, emotional, psychological well being.
Kelly said this past weekend, this place was a monument to all the incredible things God has allowed me to be able to have accomplished since that ominous day years ago and still am. It now makes those words thrown in my direction a fabrication and completely false.
It's just that because we're human, when things get thrown at us that have designs to knock us down or out, we tend to believe them, even when they are so far from who and what we are.
The ride away from that spot this past Saturday was a reminder that we have the ability to change our thinking when it comes to forgiving and forgetting.
While I don't think I'll ever forget those moments, forgiveness has helped take the sting out of that memory so I can move forward in confidence and...... it's not an albatross hanging around my neck, dragging me down emotionally as it once did.
Maybe, the person we can't forgive is ourselves. It could be something we did or didn't do, said, etc. and the person in the mirror is so hard to look at because we know what that person did, is really like and its hard to give forgiveness to us when we remember.......
I've been there but...... learning to forgive myself over the years has been a wonderful exercise in showing Dave grace and mercy..... I think it's helped me show grace and mercy to others because we all need grace and mercy shown to us... Even when we think not.
This may be hard for some but God wants to have a hand in our healing. Sometimes, we want to blame God and ask, "Why did they do that?", "Why did you let this happen?", "Don't you care?".
Unfortunately, we, I myself included need to place blame for what is happening but can I encourage us with a couple of things on the way out?
God cares for us; every little pain, every little aspect that we have gone through, are going through, will go through.
Some Truthsims....Good Medicine
Cast all of our cares upon Him (speaking of God) because He cares for us.
Though we are overwhelmed by our missing of the mark, you forgive them all.
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. Consider ourselves strong when we forgive and begin to process the forgetting part.
The first step is to understand that forgiveness does not exonerate the perpetrator. Forgiveness liberates the victim. It’s a gift we give ourselves.
Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.
And forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us.
When we assume the posture of prayer, remember that it’s not all asking. If we have anything against someone, forgive—only then will our heavenly Father be inclined to also wipe our slate clean of sins.”
So while not the end of the story and there are many more bike trips to go on, we hope you are encouraged that we can work through the pain of hurt, frustration, loss, the stings that seem to set us back.
Someone said that, It’s not an easy journey, to get to a place where we forgive people. But it is such a powerful place, because it frees us.
Walking the road of forgiving and learning to forget with you......
Dave
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