Have you ever wondered why it's sometimes hard to forgive when we've been hurt?
This Forward Friday gives some food for thought on why it's so important to not let unforgiveness become us.
When I think of Easter, I think of ultimate forgiveness; the type displayed when one knows they are going to a cross to die, innocent of the charges laid out yet still the powerful words of “Forgive them because they don’t know what they are doing” rings out.
It sounds almost incomprehensible yet Easter speaks of incredible forgiveness and it points to us that it must be important to learn to be one who can forgive and forgive continually.
“Forgive them because they don’t know what they are doing”
Forgiveness frees us from being pulled down by our own actions. Here's to living free with no chains hanging around our necks!!
Let’s Get Into This!
The man or woman who does not forgive is probably the same one who has not stopped, paused and looked into the mirror to recognize that the person looking back at them have been forgiven much..
The past 3 years of whatever you may want to call it has often brought out the worst in people.
While there has been a lot of good, there has been an underbelly of discontent, frustration, actions and reactions that have seemed to be quite astounding but then again, maybe these things were just brimming beneath the surface and this crazy time gave people license to show their "colors".
A colleague at a certain point in the day a couple of weeks ago commented about how sick they were of another colleague. When the root of the angst showed up in the conversation, it was over a seemingly petty thing but, it was evident that forgiveness at this point wasn’t an option.
Funny thing, if we could count the number of the issues caused by the person complaining well, the list would be long.
What about when a negative, problematic situation occurs and it leaves us spinning in a lurch?
These past 3 years has seen the disintegration of marriages, family units, friendships etc…
Some of my friends have been caught in barrage of the mess of the breaking of covenant Relationships yet are still standing and part of the reason they are still upright, even a little wobbly is in part because they keep choosing to forgive.
Now some might say, “What, be a doormat?” Hardly. In fact, choosing to forgive is powerful and gives strength even when someone has tried to rip us to the very core.
It’s interesting; many times, the one who will “Not” forgive has allowed themselves to be open to negative thinking, processes, emotions, behaviors that tend to swallow them up and they become a prisoner of their own making.
The one who will “Not” forgive has allowed themselves to be open to negative thinking, processes, emotions, behaviors that tend to swallow them up and they become a prisoner of their own making.
Speaking from personal experience, there was a time where someone had hurt me deeply. The kind of pain that just rips and gnaws at the inner person to the point of being in a perpetual state of misery.
I usually love the summer but that summer, well, nothing much great was going on that got me jazzed.
So the summer is almost over and I get a crazy case of kidney stones and landed in the hospital for 10 plus days.
It was one afternoon looking out the window that it occurred to me that being angry and upset with this person cost me a wasted 5 months of being miserable.
It occurred to me that being angry and upset with this person cost me a wasted 5 months of being miserable.
Did what they do cause hurt and embarrassment that took some time to get over? Yes, that was true but to be upset to the point that the inside of me, where the real Dave lived was becoming hard and rough was a hard pill to swallow.
The end of the story was that a few months later, I was able to actually ask for forgiveness for holding such a grudge and had determined that even if there was not a “I’m sorry” coming my way, I was still going to do my part to get myself right with me.
I had determined that even if there was not a “I’m sorry” coming my way, I was still going to do my part to get myself right with me.
Thankfully for that person’s own sake and well being, they did the same and that night when I put my head on the pillow, it was probably the first time in many months where I went to sleep with my mind not conflicted.
While it is true that most who hold grudges and their hard and harsh spirits effect those around them, in effect they are losing out on life and they are generally miserable.
And sometimes, what the one who harbors an unforgiving spirit is upset about is not worth the time and effort it takes to be mad all the time about said issue.
So let's be clear; there are some things that can happen or have happened to us that are horrible and sometimes beyond words.
There are some who have lost my trust and while I have forgiven them, I have chosen to be wise in further contact and how that looks.
Trust lost must be earned back and in many cases, we must guard our hearts, minds and spirits because some people may not be able to help themselves from the things they do so we must be wise in our associations moving forward.
Some people may not be able to help themselves from the things they do so we must be wise in our associations moving forward.
That said, an unforgiving heart and spirit causes us to become cold and many times without even realizing that it’s crept into our system of thinking, action and way of life.
So… Some Good Medicine
The Bible talks about forgiveness in many manners.
Here are just a couple.
We should forgive the grievances/gripes/objections/complaints/grumbles/accusations we have against one another because if we asked God to forgive us, He would.
If we would confess/admit our wrongdoing to God, He would remove them from us as far as the east is from the west. (That’s a great deal)
For the proud, if we stand praying, or we plan on giving an offering or doing something good but we are holding anything against someone, make it right/get it right; forgive them so we can be forgiven. (Hmmmmm, that’s not a light, fluffy suggestion)
Forgiving is love’s rebellion against love’s unfairness. It’s crazy but when we actually forgive, we are ignoring the normal laws that buckle us to the natural law of getting even, extracting our pound of flesh.
By the makeover of love, we are also helping to release ourselves from our own painful pasts. And when we use the word forgive, it’s not just a word; we are taking powerful action that is put into practice; it’s not just talk.
We are beginning a journey of getting away from the pay back mentality in order to walk into a new future out of the past’s unfairness.
We are starting the process of freeing and loosing ourselves from the wrong that is locked into our private histories.
The great thing about forgiveness is that we break the chains and shackles off our spirits of malice and sometimes, by the simple yet powerful act of forgiveness, we could even create the environment to restore a relationship that could have been lost.
A restored relationship may not happen but when we forgive, there is a spiritual, emotional and physiological cleansing that comes with freeing ourselves from an unforgiving heart.
Sitting in my therapist’s office years ago after a crushing hurt and disappointment, he said, “As much as you have the right to be angry, upset, frustrated etc, you will do yourself much harm and pain if you allow these feelings to become you”.
“You do not have to trust them ever again but you do have to forgive them…. For your sake”.
Wise words that have helped me then and now.
The road to Easter for Jesus was met with anger, hatred to the point of death, but instead of unforgiveness, even to his dying breath, Jesus made a choice to forgive and it ultimately made the difference for mankind.
So the Easter Walk 2023 for us asks some hard questions? What about it?
If we've been Forgiven much; We forgive much!!
Dave
Hi Dave , thank you for this message. I have worked through a lot of anger towards someone and have come to a place of forgiveness for what they did and how they have acted. It feels good to foregive and let go of all the negative toxic feelings and inner turmoil. AMEN 🙏🏻 However , it is still a struggle to actually move on and move past the memories of it all. Still a work in progress I guess. I pray daily that I will get there .