The bases were loaded, 2 out and I’m at bat… I had a chance to get us into the finals with a base hit to either tie the game or go ahead….
The swing…. And I just missed hitting the ball on the sweet spot.. Instead, it was a ground out to end the game and our season.
Relived that at bat for a long time… What if I had… better swing, better approach… But to no avail.. Season was done. There would always be the next year and season. But...It was hard to forget. Let the team down, myself, coaches.
Forward Friday deals with the issue of when we can’t forget the past or its hard to forget the past. Sometimes, it’s not what happened to us as much as who did it to us. But either way, there must be some remedies to help us move to a brighter day in our lives.
So that we’re not stuck, living on the stale bread of the past because even when we seemingly can’t see it, there’s always a new day rising. It’s to see it and take hold of it.. And as always, there’s good news medicine at the end!!
Let’s Get Into It!!
So that last at bat stayed with me for a long time and when our team won the championship the next year and winning a couple of championships in later years in various sports, that memory soon faded.
While it’s now a talking point in reference to having a hard time forgetting when hard things happen, it doesn’t have the same sting it did right after that game.
One might say, “it’s just a game; it’s not that big of a deal!”. Sadly, there have been major league sports figures who, when they blew a game couldn’t take the hurt of losing for their team and became so despondent that they took their own lives….
So forgetting and not allowing a moment to destroy our life from the inside out is not a fictional occurrence because many walk around in life, carrying some pretty heavy hurts and pain because it’s hard… sometimes…to forget…..
I know and understand how that feels……
There were some significant moments in my life where events took place that literally took the breath out of me.
There was a job that I loved in every shape and sense of the word.
It was a busy life, but I couldn’t have asked for better.
Working with friends and doing all sorts of things that helped sharpen, grow, my life was incredible.
Until, one day I was told that I was no longer needed or wanted.
Kind of like those who have had their marriages/relationships/friendships end abruptly and the things said seemed like low bridge shots that were designed to inflict maximum damage.
It took quite a while to get on my feet again so to speak; the second guessing of one’s skills and abilities, how did I miss what was coming, how could those we were close to could be so matter of fact to seemingly crush our spirits?
For a lot of us, besides the emotions of anger, bitterness etc., the emotion, feeling or action that seems to keep us from “Not Being Able To Forget” easier is disappointment.
I could go on as many could about the pain and disappointment and how sometimes, these moments can shake us to the core, but could there be some rays of sunshine in the middle of the moment and on the other end of those hard times?
Some of the change happened because while I was in pain, I just kept moving.
Things like: working at 2 youth school centers over the course of 10 months after the episode and finding out through new coworkers that the skills I was purported to have lost were just as good as ever.
I’ll never forget the one day a staff member came to me and thanked me for saving their year. Funny, I was still in mourning yet moving forward; and the gifts inside were coming out and in to action for where I was.
As time has moved along, I’ve realized that in spite of all of the mess that we had to live through, there have been some wonderful opportunities that had/have come my way, that even though we weathered some rough roads, good things were taking place.
I didn’t think this was what I was doing at first but as time would go on, I began to see that I could be thankful in the moment.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.
How does that even work? Is the writer saying we must be all good when it seems to be all bad?
There is a major difference between being thankful for every situation in life and being thankful in those situations. The challenge is to find reason(s) to be thankful even in the worst of struggles.
There is no suggestion that we should be thankful for a death, a job loss, a serious situation, harmful circumstance.
Rather, it’s a call to find something(s) to be thankful for amid the hardship.
Over time, looking back and I think that for most of us, we look at our problems in the moment. It is hard to have the same kind of perspective that time gives us when we’re looking for relief in the moment where we’ve been hurt.
When I start looking back, I can see some things that became blessings in spite of the past disappointments.
Maybe not forgetting but allowing the memories to get dulled…
Good Things Like:
Growing relationships that really matter
Starting a Catering Business
Working in Various School Settings
Weekend speaking engagements
Becoming a Hockey Referee
The list is not to boast but to say that some of the words used to fire me were that I couldn’t do what I had been doing and that I was a failure.
As time has gone on, I have realized that the last thing I ever was and will be is a failure...But time has helped me see this in a greater light.
Some Things That I Believe Helped Me To Keep Moving And Working Through Pain.
Having Compassion For Me
So many times, I’ve heard from those who have been hit hard by something or somebody and the words said are things like, “How come I didn’t see it coming?”, or “I knew something was weird but I couldn’t put a finger on it”, or “how could I have let this happen?”
I had to learn to forgive myself... Why? When looking back, there were a number of events and moments that I found odd at those times that made sense later on after the hammer fell but I felt that I should have sniffed out the events that seemed weird. Just never thought I’d ever have that mess happen to me.
I’ve since realized that I wasn’t born a detective so needing to forgive myself for feeling that I was naive, or not perceptive enough was a big deal and was a healing part of my journey to changing the picture of the past.
Distance Between The Moment(s)
It’s been said that time heals all wounds… while it may not be a completely true statement, time does allow, if we let the time process work, the opportunity for memories, especially difficult memories to have a fade feel to them.
There was another particularly painful episode that had us spinning upside down and more; what’s interesting is that even today, I have a hard time recounting the events in order or even all that happened when, on occasion, I was asked what happened.
Which… Is a good thing…
Now For Some Good New Medicine…..
What Does God Have To Say About It…
I think that God understands when we need help to walk the road of life; otherwise, He wouldn’t have inspired the writers of scripture to pen comforting, soothing, powerful words for us to hold on to like:
Matthew 11:28-30 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
Or
Nahum 1:8 God is good, a hiding place in tough times. He recognizes and welcomes anyone looking for help, No matter how desperate the trouble.
Or
2 Corinthians 4:8-9 We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.
Even though there were some tough days to walk through, knowing that somehow God would take all of the road that was bumpy, rough and at the right time smooth the road as I walked into my future.
Forgetting is hard, especially when our emotions are bathed in disappointment, anger, bitterness, unforgiveness but I can tell you that if we can see the great relief and release there is in allowing God the opportunity to make beauty out of a messy moment or circumstance, life can be different.
The Things I Think….
I remember a friend of mine who had gone through a very traumatic situation.
Very tough moments to say the least….
In a church service one morning, they realized that by giving their problems to God, they would be alright. And years later, they are thriving… Would they be where they are today if they decided they needed to hold on tight to the memory? I don’t think so….
I’ve come a long way; sometimes, there are some memories that show up for a moment and want to stay for an extended time… I understand that I get to dictate the terms of their departure……
For those of us who struggle with forgetting the moments; forgive yourself, (forgiving those who hurt us goes without saying and that’s actually a strong statement: we’re not allowing ourselves to be walked over again but we’re not drinking the poison of that moment any longer), allow distance from the moment to give us perspective and finally but most importantly, maybe it’s time to allow God to have something to say and do about our healing process..
I’m working my way towards health; will you join me??
Dave
#ForwardFriday #WhenForgettingIsHard #MemoriesThatAreNotEasy #BeautyOutOfAMess #Speaker #Blog #GoodNewsMedicine #Hope #Progress2023
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