Listening has become a lost art. It seems as though many people may hear what one says but really aren't interested in tuning in to what is actually being said.
This past 24 months has shown that depending on what side of a narrative a person is on, listening to anything other that what that person thinks is not even an afterthought.
On this Forward Friday Easter pilgrimage, we should consider making a conscious effort not to just hear what people are saying but to take it in, taking the effort to try and understand. Listening makes the experience of speaking with us more enjoyable to other people. There's a good medicine moment at the end that I think can give us hope that being a good listener can help us in so many ways.
Lets Get Into This:
News Items: A successful NFL Quarterback says he has learned this past off season that he needed to be a better listener for his team after becoming a better listener at home. He's been in the NFL for 10 plus years and figured out that as a leader, he needed to listen better than in the past.
The girlfriend says it’s too late to save her relationship because she’s not interested in listening to anything her boyfriend has to say because well, nothing he says matters.
The boss is always saying that everything is wrong but never listens to ideas and only at the brink of failure do they ever ask for others thoughts. Even then, it’s an after thought.
Listening is at times a lost art and yet, it is a foundational element in relationships of all kinds.
Have we ever talked to someone and it feels like we can say anything and they don’t even know what we've said?
I was prepping a class for a history test and I had the feeling that no one was listening to the last minute instructions. So, I said, “do you walk to school or eat your lunch”? Most students raised their hands to answer and it was only one young man who said, “Sir, you can do both”! And.....we have a winner!
It is sad that with all the available tools at our finger tips to learn or acquire better listening skills, listening is still an art that sometimes is lacking in our various circles.
But there’s always hope and I’ve been thinking of a few moments that have made an impression on me for me to continue to become a better listener.
Listening Can Help Us Walk In Another’s Shoes
My summer job over the past 6 years has had me walking in a world I normally am not in and some of the people I have rubbed shoulders with on first glance could seem hardened, no give in how they interact with the world they live in.
The past 6 summers have opened my eyes to the realities of these co-workers. It’s interesting that one co-worker said some disparaging things of another like it was the truth only to find out another reality when we sat down to chat during lunch one day.
Since that time, some of these rough and gruff guys have actually searched me out to talk more. While we would differ on most subjects, it occurred to me that what they really need and want is the opportunity to talk and be heard.
It occurred to me that what they really need and want is the opportunity to talk and be heard.
It has also given me a fresh perspective and understanding of what these co-workers have lived through and the road they are walking daily.
You Can Learn A lot About People/Things When We Actively Listen
I know I like to chat but one thing I learned from my dad was that if you pay attention to what is being said, who is saying it and how they are saying things, you can gain wisdom and understanding into the reasons why people do what they do.
There have been times when superiors have said things in meetings and by actively and attentively listening, there were things that came to the forefront that may have not been outwardly spoken but paying attention helped to discern what was to come.
The saying goes, “It goes without saying” but still needs to be said that especially in our personal relationships, to actively listen means that we intentionally want to foster meaningful relationships with those around us.
To actively listen means that we intentionally want to foster meaningful relationships with those around us.
Listening Well Helps Us Grow Personally
Sometimes, this can scare some people because what if I get indoctrinated by what someone has to say?
I know I have some personal non-negotiables in my life. We are bursting with the thoughts we think, our notions, views, morals, encounters and perceptions. Collectively, these form part of our life perspective.
We are bursting with the thoughts we think, our notions, views, morals, encounters and perceptions. Collectively, these form part of our life perspective.
But that doesn’t mean I can’t/we can't grow by learning from what others have to say and how they think.
I’ve found that listening to others has actually sharpened my personal thinking and given me an appreciation to understand others.
A political science professor once said to me that he hoped that we would disagree often; (we did: our views and backgrounds were diametrically opposed) but what he said next was so important.
That we would be wise enough to listen to the other’s point of view and in the process, we would learn something about the other that would help us grow personally.
It was brilliant and his influence to think, watch and listen has been so helpful.
So to the Quarterback, the girlfriend and the boss, and really to us too, think about this:
When we are listening thoughtfully and try to understand another, we go beyond listening to the words that the person who we are spending time with is saying. It is the sentiment of what is being expressed that drives home a greater connection.
Some Good Medicine
One doesn't have to have a religious bent to appreciate the power of listening intentionally in this account in the book of Matthew 4. (1-11)
So Jesus has just been baptized and goes in to the desert for 40 days and 40 nights and he fasted and was very hungry.
While there, the devil came and tempted him 3 times. The 3 temptations were the type of things that most of us would have a hard time not wanting to jump at.
The listening part comes into play when Jesus pushes back and through his study and listening to and of scripture from His Father, He is able to stand tall, speak truth to the situation that presented itself.
Because Jesus learned to listen to His Father through the Inspiration of scripture, not only in this account but in so many others, Jesus was able to navigate the moments, the interactions, the relationships because listening well made him better, he knew what to do, and many around him then and now were/are better for it.
So one could say, "Well, I'm not Jesus" and they would be right but principles always work and in this case, to learn to listen well means we are incorporating skills that build trust, reduces misunderstandings, encourages us to be empathetic. We can become wiser and gain confidence in ourselves because of it as well.
For meaningful and fruitful interactions, conversation and communication, it's a must to be a good listener.
I mean, that's what we want for us; to be heard and understood so why not practice and be to others what we truly want in our lives too!
On the Road to Easter; I want to be a better listener. Are you joining me on the journey? I hope so!
To Greater Connections
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