“It’s going to get better”, were the last words Mom spoke to me before she passed away into eternity almost 5 years ago..
Hardly a day goes by that I don’t think about her and what she still means to me and while the pain is not acute like it used to be, there is that empty ache that doesn’t go away
But this Forward Friday is not gloom and sadness; in fact, it is an ode, a tribute to the incredible Beatrice Mary Dancy Mills who was quality personified and, the best mom anyone could ask for. And as always, there’s good medicine at the end.
Let’s Get Into This!!
As I was thinking about mom, so many things would come to mind. This weekend would have been her 99th birthday. That would have been a party to remember; until birthday 100 would show up. Mom loved a party and we made sure that we celebrated 90, 91, 92, 93 and 94 and Mom loved to run the table with fun galore.
As I was remembering mom, I was thinking of some of the attributes, the incredible qualities that made mom so special….
I could list so many qualities that the pages would fill for days but there are a few that put a smile on my face….
Quality #1 No Bitter Waters
There are so many people who struggle with their past and the hurts and pain they endured, and, in many cases, the past seems to dictate the present and future in the negative.
Mom was special and I understood only later in her life the challenges mom faced throughout her life.
Mom was the only child born to a French-Canadian mom and American dad.
While that’s not a bad thing at all, her mom passed away when mom was 2 and her dad who was a fledgling business entrepreneur, sent her to boarding school and the convent for much of her childhood and teens.
It was tough being a girl of a mixed background during that era. The treatment from students, the neighborhood kids, the boarding school and more, mom endured a lot.
Even in her late teens and early twenties, mom faced a lot of tough hits even from those who were supposed to be close to her.
But mom would say that bitter waters only make a person sour and who wants to be around someone who was like that?
Mom would say when she was feeling all alone and sad, she’d go for long walks in the city and when she would see all of God’s creation all around her, she would say to herself, “It’s Going To Get Better”.
Mom would also say that being bitter would cause a person’s spirit to grow cold or worse, hardened and as she would say, “It’s hard to hear from God when you can’t feel anything”.
Quality #2 She Loved People (Especially Young People)
Mom loved people…. Growing up, it was nothing strange to coming home, the front door being open and mom was not inside. She’d be across the street holding court at the grocery store, or people coming over and chatting with her on the balcony.
That was normal but what the real deal was that the neighborhood kids were at our house all the time.
Whether it was playing in our yard and then getting hugs or treats from mom, the kids loved mom.
I think they came for the treats and hugs (and not my brother and I but anyways) but I really think mom was the safe, comforting, warm, loving mom figure that kids would crave to have, even for a few minutes.
Even when we were in our teens and the boys would come over for Sunday lunch after church, mom would put out the good china because well, they were more than our friends, they were our guests, so they needed to be treated like royalty.
That I couldn’t understand because they were well, my slack friends eating off the good china but mom said that they needed to know and feel the love coming from our house. (Still think they could have eaten off paper plates)
One of my enduring memories was mom coming to youth camp for the week. My brother was running the youth program and brought 25 young people to it. There was a 14-year-old girl who had never been to camp before and had a very rough background.
Didn’t want to be there, didn’t want to associate with anyone… But mom decided that was all going to change.
Mom called the girl over and said, “Honey, you’re going to spend some time with me this week!” Mom went to all the services, watched the sports and activities… This was on the opening Monday. I happened to run into the girl on Thursday morning and this was now a different girl.
Smiling, enjoying herself to the max.
I asked her what changed? She said, “Grandma Bea!”
Mom had the Midas touch; she could warm the hardest heart with mom just being mom………
Now For Some Good Medicine:
Quality #3 Mom Knew How To Pray
I remember when I was fired from a job I loved and the ensuing rough road that we walked during that period of time, I often would talk to mom when I was putting her to bed.
By this time, mom was living with us so we got a full dose of mom all the time and it was a good thing.
There were many a night that I would tell her how I was feeling and not sure what the road would hold for me.
I could still hear Mom say things like, “Tell It To Jesus-He is the Friend that’s well known”, or “Prayer changes things”,
“Be still and know that God is still God in your life”, “Sometimes, being still is the best thing we can do when life gets stressful”.
These scriptures back up her attitude and thinking.
Psalms 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. 2 So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea.
Matthew 7:7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you: 8 For every one that asks receives; and he that seeks finds; and to him that knocks it shall be opened.
1 Peter 5:7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.
2 Corinthians 1:3 All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.
The Things I Think:
It’s still hard to believe that Mom left us and it still at times feels like yesterday. There are times when I come home and expect to hear her voice asking for a tea or to go for a walk……
What would I give to have those wrinkly hands rub my face or punch me for bugging Kelly….
But I am thankful that even though I wish we could have her for 1 more day, the legacy Mom has left us is the kind of quality that makes a difference today.
The past 3 years has been a test in so many ways and directions, but I am thankful for the bedrock foundation of both my parents but in this episode, especially Beatrice Mary Dancy Mills.
There’s a reason why people gravitated to her, but it always blesses my heart to know that in spite of the rough moments, hard times, hurtful periods of her life, the incredible qualities of her life is what drew people to her.
Miss Mom but her Spirit and qualities live on!!!
Dave
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