If you grew up in the 70’s and 80’s, you would remember the group Chicago.. They were the rock n roll version of Earth Wind And Fire with the incredible horn section but with blued eyed soul and jazzy feel to their music.
Still one of my all-time favorite bands… in fact, they have kicked out a number of mushy tunes but Hard To Say I’m Sorry probably took the cake for mush and one of the radio stations played it this past week.
Forward Friday is all about the issue of having the courage to say we are sorry when we’ve made mistakes. It is a question of the will and pride to be able to recognize that in as much as forgiveness is a necessary component of a healthy person’s life, the ability to say we are sorry is just as powerful.
Take a few minutes to reflect to see where we may be when it comes to the area of being humble enough to admit when we’ve been wrong to be then able to say We’re Sorry!
Let’s Get Into This!
So as I was thinking about the song and the lyrics as it was playing, it occurred to me that this past year and what a year plus it was has brought many issues into focus.
The election cycle just past and the Canadian one to come, the social discord, the virus and everything surrounding it has laid open many fractures and wounds and I’m wondering if anyone will when shown or they know that they may have been wrong about some things, will they have the courage to say that they’re sorry?
I was talking to a friend the other day and in the course of conversation, I asked if some of the relationships that had frayed in the past number of months had seen some sort of reconciliation? He said no.
There are those who were considered or labelled conspiracists regarding a number of things that have taken place in the past 16 months; they were ghosted, dropped, numbers blocked, told they would no longer be associated with, they were fools, they were being manipulated etc.
What’s crazy is that as more information comes out because even though truth sometimes takes a while to come out from the shadows, at some point the truth in the end comes out.
And as the truth of many things are being brought out into the light clearly for all to see, a lot of those things called theories are not theories but actually what was taking place.
Yet in many cases, there has been no coming together to try and heal what has been damaged.
It is also true that there were those who were very hostile towards those who in their opinion “just complied” without questioning anything that was taking place. Both stances were a bad look and have created waves of frustration and hurt among many.
But the reality is, it is hard for people to say they’re sorry….
Have you ever: worked in a situation where the boss has made terrible mistakes and cannot or will not make amends and throws the organization into turmoil? I worked in a couple of places where the stubbornness of the leader and the unwillingness to admit an error(s) caused widespread discontent, created a toxic culture, and created a failing environment but…. It was everyone else’s fault.
It was everyone else’s fault.
How can it be: that a husband or wife, a friend in a friendship, can create a situation where they can be wrong whether in deed, action or word and will not get off the failing perch of their mistake, error, action and would be willing to sabotage, wreck, dismantle a relationship for the sake of being…… right, get in the last word, prove a point. It goes beyond reasoning.. Some would even call some of that narcissistic behavior.
We won’t take it back for fear of saving face, looking bad, not wanting to appear weak and the list goes on.... I know I have, to my regret because sometimes, we wait too long to swallow our pride to clean something up and it becomes too late…
It occurs to me when these moments come is that we have issues with pride. And the problem with pride is that it blinds even the smartest person to the very thing in front of them that is causing them an issue. Seems like people outside of their body can see it but they can't.
The problem with pride is that it blinds even the smartest person to the very thing in front of them that is causing them an issue
A Blind-spot is an area in which one fails to exercise judgment or discernment or a part of the field or issue that appears to be obstructed from a reasoned view.
When pride rises up in a negative way in the life of a person, it manifests itself in an inflated, unduly high opinion of one's self, and generally some form of arrogance shows up. And pride doesn't have to be loud and obnoxious when it comes to not being able to say, Hey, I'm Sorry.
Pride doesn't have to be loud and obnoxious when it comes to not being able to say, Hey, I'm Sorry.
I remember a moment in the past where a friend and I had a pretty heated disagreement. It was my dad who pointed out that even though we both were wrong in how we handled things, one of us needed to be smart and if we valued what we had, it was important to break the ice, clear the air, make amends. Fortunately, we both, almost simultaneously apologized and made things right....
Pride Problems
1. An inflated sense of pride goes before a fall
2. Is it really worth staying on our perch at the expense of potentially losing a friendship, relationship?
3. A lack of pride leads to less compassion. Pride blocks compassion. Compassion is the peak of virtue/goodness.
4. Proud people breed, trigger, generate, and produce sad sorrows for themselves.
I'd like to think that when people stand on the perch of inflexibility, there could be, maybe a part that really doesn't want to see our hard like stance of pride break up, destroy, damage what we have/had in our hands.
Sad is the legend of pride when it comes not being able to say I'm sorry because then it becomes could have, would have, should have.....
Could it be said of us that we will do our best not to let the sun set on our anger, frustration, pride because the reality is that time is precious and too many have wasted family, friends, businesses at the expense of a prideful spirit.
Yes, it may be hard to say I'm sorry but we can start today or whenever we need to. it does make a difference..
But what about for those of us who have been wronged and we long for, hope for an apology and it’s not happening or looks at least like it’s never going to happen?
Although not easy to swallow, here are but a few reasons why we may never hear that apology to help us gain courage to keep moving forward in spite of not hearing what we should be hearing or think we should be hearing.
Some Fear Being Seen As Weak
Admitting that we’ve wronged someone takes being compassionate and respectful enough of ourselves and the others in our life to admit that we are human. Confidence like that should never be seen as a weakness.
Some Enjoy Chaos
There are those who, for their own warped reasons, actually enjoy presiding over misery. They feed off this. Narcissists do it all the time. How, then, to deal with someone intent on creating chaos? Simple: one doesn’t. It’s smart to actively maintain boundaries against these people.
Some Are Oblivious
A person can be caught with pants down, hand in cookie jar, cheat sheet taped to their forehead, and fake ID saying they are Elvis – and still somehow manage to be the proverbial deer in headlights when it comes to being called on their wrongs. What do we do with an oblivious person? Science has yet to figure that out.
Obliviousness can run deep. The danger with obliviousness is that it can be a learned behavior, one that shields and coddles the one who hurts as they do, making it hard as a rock to break through.
People only change if they want to change. We cannot force someone to respect us. We cannot force someone to admit they were wrong or apologize. Only they have the power to shift their perspective. And sometimes, it’s just not going to happen.
A Few Good Medicine Thoughts
Some last little thoughts on why, even if we don’t hear the magic words, I’m Sorry, we must trend to a better way, not an easier way but a better way.
God Tells Us To
Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing.
I’d rather be blessed than to carry bitterness and becoming hard hearted for someone else’s mistakes.
Jesus Gave Us An Example When Dying On The Cross.
We are not Jesus but He definitely gave us food for thought when One of the last things He did while alive was to make sure He forgave the people who murdered Him: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.”
Our Life Isn’t Messed Up By Bitterness And Resentment.
My friend is a huge example of this. The Life he is now walking is so full of light after a dark, turbulent season and I can only point to his decision not to become bitter or resentful.
I mean, what good can we do if our thoughts are resentful? Resentment sours our thoughts and our spirit. It messes us up. This situation then becomes our responsibility, and is not the responsibility of the person who has wronged us.
A wise person will not only say they're sorry but prove it by their actions moving forward.
Hoping and trusting that we can live the, I’m Sorry Legacy with humbleness and humility to make where we are just a little bit of a better place!
Walking with you
Dave
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