“You’ll never amount to much because you have such a bad attitude; didn’t your mommy and daddy teach you better?” said the gym teacher as he smacked me with the Ping-Pong paddle. He didn’t like the fact that I was cheering on my classmate who was beating him in ping pong and he got mad at me for saying not to let him back in the game.
Or,
“We are happy for her, but we didn’t expect much for her life”, said a family member of Kelly’s after we were recently engaged at that time……
Forward Friday is all about the words that come out of us…… It is a powerful thing to be able to communicate but the problems begin when what comes out does more harm than good. Hang in as we take a look at words, the tongue that those words roll off of and what should we be aiming to be like… Tribe talks…… How does your tribe handle words….
Let’s Get Into This…..
It’s interesting that the same gym teacher who said those words had to face me years later as I was now working in a high school, as he was the liaison for athletics and recreation for the high schools from the school board.
I’ll never forget the double take he had when he saw me at a school board meeting for the reps from every high school in the board. I went right up to him and shook his hand and looked him square in the eye and said, “Hi Brian; remember me from the Lachine High days? I’m the Westmount High rep.” “Good to see you.”
That was it; no animosity but those words could have spun me in another direction. I could have thought that I had some sort of problem, and it could have done some real damage to my spirit but thanks to my French teacher at the time and my classmates, I was able to shake it off and continue my growth as a person as well as being myself.
What if Kelly thought that she was unworthy of this potential new life because of what was said and decided to walk away because of conferred shame and less than positive approval? Thankfully, she was able to shake it off……
But not everyone does shake off the words said, those words conferred their way….
Words matter…. The power of life and death is in the tongue, the words we speak and how we speak to them are either going to build up or tear down; it’s virtually impossible to be in the middle so I would rather work on the building side.
There are 4 aspects to speech and what rolls off the tongue that we want to look at today.
I believe this is an encouragement to speak life whenever and however we can and to make sure the Tribe we surround ourselves with are “Our Life” people.
Conniving Speech Also See: Scheming, Manipulative, Crafty, Devious
The conniving or “Sly” speech pattern symbolizes a speech pattern filled with wrong motives, gossip, slander, and a propensity to twist truth.
Always a difficult situation since trust is likely broken due to a pattern of manipulations and broken promises.
The problem with “Sly Speech” is those “Death Traits” i.e.: lying that needs to end and something new needs to begin, like honesty and a willing and open spirit to change.
For the rebuilding of trust, there must be a concrete decision to and for change and if we have been on the receiving end of the “Sly” tongue, it is important that we do not permit ourselves to allow these types of behaviors to continue as we are affected in the inner person by these “Death Traits”.
By the way, I've learned that I don't have accept continually being in the company of those that spew out "Death Traits".
Proverbs 12:18 says, some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing. Or Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Careless Speech See Also: Thoughtless, Insensitive, Reckless
Now, there is no way that in our life’s journey, we will not ever say a careless or thoughtless word or comment. For the vast majority of us, we have had those “Blown It” moments where we wish we could have reached into the air and taken back what we said or would have wanted to fall between the cracks in the floor and hide…..
Those moments unfortunately will happen and hopefully, they will be few and far between.
I’m thinking about the ones who constantly seem to have loaded up with vinegar instead of mouthwash in the morning and it’s anyone’s guess what kind of craziness will roll off their tongue on that given day.
I also have noticed that a lot of those who fit the in the “Careless Speech” category can be passive aggressive, meaning that a lot of what they say at times is kinda low, kind of even keel, kinda of almost not saying a whole lot but enough to send careless “Death Words” that hurt and do a lot of damage and many times, there is this look of surprise that they indeed said and acted like they did.
Careless speech also can make a lot of noise when stress shows up but… and it’s a big but…… We always get to choose what comes out of our mouths.
We always get to choose what comes out of our mouths.
Careless tongues wreak havoc and if they aren’t explosive in sheer sound, they are explosive in destructive application.
Proverbs 15:4 The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse/careless tongue crushes the spirit.
But…There Is Always Good Medicine
Controlled Speech
It has been said that the best part about Freedom is knowing that there is restraint in being free.
Sometimes, this little nugget of truth gets lost in the minds of those who claim to be free but seem to think they can do whatever they want when they want and there are seemingly no repercussions for their actions and in the case of the tongue and the words that roll out, they can be shocked when things don’t roll in their favor.
There are things that free people do not do and say because they understand true freedom is wise and thoughtful.
The Controlled tongue thinks before speaking, can understand when silence is best and at the right time offer words of advice and counsel.
Here are some foundational Proverbs that back up the thought progression that the controlled tongue is something to be modeled and sought after.
Proverbs 10:19 Paraphrase: Too much talk leads to missing God’s mark. Be sensible and keep our mouth shut.
Proverbs 11:12-13 It is foolish to belittle one’s neighbor; a sensible person keeps quiet. A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence.
Proverbs 13:3 Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything.
Proverbs 16:23 From a wise mind comes wise speech; the words of the wise are persuasive.
Proverbs 21:23 Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.
Sometimes, no more needs to be said….. These scriptures say it all when it comes to the Controlled Tongue.
Caring Speech
The caring speech person looks to speak truthfully while seeking to encourage, help.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. This childhood phrase is as familiar as it is wrong. Sticks and stones may indeed cause physical harm, but words can certainly create even more damage.
Knowing what and how to say things is huge….. To speak with honesty, encouragement, and wisdom.
There is that age old adage that says, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care,” and it is true.
“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care,” and it is true.
I have a conversation coming up that will not be an easy one. It occurred to me that some of my early thoughts about what is to come was seemingly harsh but as I was meditating the last few days, it hit me as giving myself time to reflect reminded me of how I must in every way show care and speak care.
Our words should not inflame, aggravate, worsen opens sores – like salt in a wound – but be a balm, comfort, relief to those who we are connecting and sharing life with.
Someone said, “does that mean when there is a time to share and speak a truth we don’t?”
Sometimes, the most caring we can be is when there are the moments where we speak into the lives of others with truth, but it is in the how that the caring speech patterns make a difference.
Proverbs 16:24 “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”
Proverbs 25:11 Timely advice is lovely, like golden apples in a silver basket.
It is important that even if no one else recognizes that our words matter, it needs to be us and our tribe.
As we head into the summer, I’m thinking that this will be a great time for me to look at how I can become a better Dave and one area are the words I speak.
Because…. Words Matter…..
The Things I Think About:
It is no coincidence that there will be tests when we want to grow in different areas of our lives.
Recently, there were 2 situations where I had to decide whether to speak to people in those scenarios would be the right thing to do.
I could hear my dad's advice from years earlier and in my prayer time, it was very evident that I needed to handle things differently rather than my first inclination which was to face them.
Dad would say 2 things:
"Sometimes, it is far wiser to submerge for the moment and gain strength for later opportunities."
He also said, "Sometimes, it is far better to wisely watch what comes out of our mouth and to stay silent than to say things you would have to apologize for."
When are we most inclined to speak carelessly?
What can we do to make it easier to slow down and even ask God for help choosing our words wisely?
Is there a time when someone's words changed the course of our life? Have we ever told that person what their words meant to us?
What's one way we can exercise more self-control, caring in our words today?
Walking the road to better speech health……Are you in with me???
Dave
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