I will not forgive them; do you know what they did to me????? Don’t you care? Can’t you see the pain they caused?
It’s hard when we have to deal with those who hurt us; there are holes that sometimes seem like they’ll never heal.
Forward Friday brings us face to face with the complex discussion of unforgiveness and by default, forgiveness. Or is it really all that multifaceted? Hopefully, we can get some clarity regarding this often talked about subject and as always, there is Good News Medicine at the end!!
Let’s Get Into This:
I read this the other day and it really struck me. See what you think:
“One of the most devastating symptoms of pride is the unwillingness to forgive.”
So, here we are feeling like we have special rights, thinking that we have been hurt, maligned, crushed and yet, because we choose not to forgive, our pride now blinds us to more pain and anguish because we are choosing not to forgive.
Stay with me; we’ve got to work this out some more.
Many times, the first thing most of us say when we’ve been hurt by someone is that we deserve to be upset, angry, frustrated, maybe to the point of believing we should be able to expound our pound of flesh in retaliation for whatever happened…..
But the reality is, it doesn’t take us very far.
In fact, if we’re really honest, regression or moving backwards begins to take place and we usually don’t notice it right away.
And it shows up in:
Relationships of all kinds, Attitudes, Actions
Whether it’s a big deal or seemingly small thing, it’s not fun to be wronged.
Most of us relate to the hurt and pain that strikes us to the core when we have been ill-treated especially by those closest to us.
The stuff has its own wrecking ball of pain, fear, betrayal, and insecurity.
It’s funny how we can make sure to get the a splinter out of our finger so it doesn’t become infected, yet an emotional open sore can become polluted by those feelings of resentment, bitter/murky waters of unforgiveness etc. when the decision is made, not allowing the healing flow of forgiveness wash over us.
So then, we’re actually drinking the poison of unforgiveness.
Generally, we want back at whoever has hurt us in some way shape or form.
And maybe it doesn’t come out of us verbally, but it shows up on the inside and unfortunately, it begins to eat us from the inside out.
The negative spiral affects everything about us: mind, soul, spirit, body, emotions etc.
With unforgiveness, nothing gets remedied and the murky waters overwhelm us and we didn’t even see it coming.
And this doesn’t sound good or is good….
But there must be remedies to help us….
Who are we helping most when we forgive?
Actually, we help us more than anyone else.
There were times when I was younger that I thought that I was getting the short end of the stick by forgiving those who wronged me. It’s as if I felt like those people were getting a good deal…….
But I soon came to understand that the most important person I was helping was myself. And I didn’t have to have all that poison, garbage feeling laying waste to my emotional well-being.
Now For Some Good News Medicine
We Start to See Our Life Differently
Ultimately, no matter what pains we face on earth, we are faced with the choice to move towards God or away from him.
Forgiveness moves us towards him.
Forgiveness refines us and helps us through the painful situations we are facing.
When I realized that revenge or trying to control everything when it came to pain gave God no opportunity to start healing me or take care of the situation that I was up against.
But when I decided to be obedient to give Him the mess(es) and ask Him how to help me forgive right, things became smoother and most importantly, He’s a much better and wise judge to deal with those who did me wrong so to speak.
I’ve also seen blessings come my way when I didn’t seek out my own answer to the hurt caused to me.
When we suffer in the area of hurt, many times our eyes see the cause of the suffering and nothing else.
Ephesians 4: 26-27 tells us not to let the sun go down on our anger or give the devil any such foothold or opportunity.
What most people don’t know or even comprehend is that we give evil a foothold to do it’s root growing which then has the ability to become a stronghold.
We need to stop torturing ourselves when hurts happen.
Forgiveness Ideas
I made a few adjustments some years ago after a traumatic event and maybe these can help us as we move way from the murky waters of unforgiveness.
1. Choose – I know I would never feel like forgiving so I decided that instead of bitter murky waters messing up my life, I would make a value choice to forgive and allow God to heal my pain in due time.
2. Rest On/In God – I knew I wasn’t strong enough to really forgive right or well so I decided to ask God to help me and while the moments were never easy or fun, deciding to ask God to help me has been a game changer.
3. Follow God’s Idea – Simply put, it’s not enough to rest on God to help me forgive, it’s a marked choice to actually follow His recipe for spiritual health in the area of forgiveness.
Things like, not speaking evil of the one who wronged me. Not a gossip, spreading the story to the world regarding what they did.
Forgiving the close one or the stranger or anyone in between who did us wrong.
Forgiving God if we’re angry with Him because we feel He didn’t do right by us.
We can’t understand all of His ways but He is just, He loves us and He is big enough, strong enough, tough enough and loving enough to handle anything we can throw at him.
Even to forgive the situation, circumstance that harmed us in some way and why?
Because it’s easy to harbor stuff and not realize it until the murky, poisonous waters of unforgiveness are messing with our minds and spirits.
I think that’s why the Bible says in Ephesians 4:31-32 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
Get rid of all toxins that comes from unforgiveness and bitterness.
Proverbs 4:23 Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance...for out of it flow the springs of life or another version says. Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
Among the many things it is, Unforgiveness is a spiritual mess.....
Carolyn Miller says, “Unforgiveness is a poison that shrivels the heart. It means a person cannot truly live in the present as they're always thinking about the past.”
But….
“Forgiveness is the quality of the brave, the reaction of the forgiven, the mercy of the just.”
The Things I Think:
Trauma and frustration are not easy. I could tell you some stories just as another could tell about the depth of pain and anguish that those events caused me.
For those of us who struggle in regard to those who hurt us, there are people who have done much harm in our life to us……. I decided that hate, unforgiveness, bitterness was too much of a cross to bear so I decided to forgive them …
But…. I also decided that they would not have the same access to me because in forgiving, my heart, eyes and spirit became much clearer.
I made a decision to be much wiser moving forward and I am much better for it.
I’m working at making the murky waters clear so my heart is clean and warmth comes out continually... Join me!!
Dave
#ForwardFriday #MurkyWaters #Unforgiveness #Blog #Speaker #GoodNewsMedicine #Hope #Help #Freedom #ClearWaters #Progress2023
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