Remember back in the day when we would compare whose group of friends were the best? Or the coolest? Or the most jock like? Or….. Well you get the picture… I think most of us had a moment when we identified with a crew, a team, a posse or a tribe… But we had one…..and in many cases, still have one; we just don’t call these connections by those idioms anymore…..but they are still our Tribe!!
Forward Friday takes a look at some of the gold standard ideas that a tribe we belong to could and most importantly should look like.
Maybe it’s a good idea to take a look at how your tribe (the people you most associate with) operates and could it be better? Only one way to find out so let’s not be afraid to examine how we do life when it comes to relationships.
Let’s Get Into This!
It’s sad to see how these past 2 years has caused the disruption, tearing apart, the breakdown of many relationships for many reasons.
We could argue the fault lines are the result of the pandemic and how there are many more questions that have arisen because of what we have and continue to experience but maybe there were some constructs of those relationships that had some cracks before…
Nonetheless, there have been some fractures and breaks that have broken the hearts and spirits of many……..
But maybe there are some breaks that actually needed to happen… hard as it may seem but sometimes, we won’t get out of something that is not helping us unless there is a moment, a crisis, an event that creates a conflict that we must face head on.
I know that in the past 2 years, there have been relationships that have broken and I wouldn’t have wanted them to break but when I look back, I see now that in some cases, it was good for me.
Not that anyone has become a “bad” person or myself for that matter but, I can see now that the tribe I want to be in or how I want to live life needed to lose some weight so to speak.
Before we get to some of the things we should have in our tribe that we rub shoulders with the most,
Dad would say some things that rang in my head over the past 2 years that saw some friendships die.
He would say, “Son, do not lament over what’s in the past; it keeps you from seeing the good things coming!”
“Sometimes, remember that what you see in the rear-view has no longer any bearing on the direction you are heading in because you are moving forward.”
I knew he was right but it still stings a little when you realize some things are no more or they have lost the essence they once had in your life…
But, here’s where we can grow, adjust and see growth, vibrancy take root in our tribe.
Here’s but a couple of things to get us thinking about how our tribe should be as we walk into the weekend.
Authenticity-Legit
In today’s lexicon of words that are descriptive, we all want to be around those that are “Legit”, real, honest, truthful, ones we can walk this road of life with.
Authentic people are awesome.
But we struggle at times and this is a hard truth to swallow for even the best of us: we’d rather be liked than be real.
What sets our soul on fire? What kind of person do I want to be like? I think art and parcel of our growth is being around authentic friends, people in our tribe who bring out the best in us and are not afraid to walk with the whole of us; hence the authentic part.
What sets our soul on fire?
These thoughts made me stop and think for a moment:
To be authentic, unique, and individual, we have to know who and what we are, which comes through self-reflection.
How can we know who we are if we are just chasing anything and everything?
Does our tribe self-reflect at all?
Can we be honest with each other, not taking offense when the moments come that are a little uncomfortable even if it’s for our good?
We cannot be authentic without first possessing a strong sense of character.
This means we do not say things we do not mean, promises are not made we cannot keep, and we stay to as best we can in a place of integrity in all of our dealings.
Vulnerability
Makes us more approachable to others. It requires letting the walls down and being honest about our weaknesses and struggles, being humble in the wins of life and being open enough with our tribe when it’s not good.
A friend asked me a long, long time ago, “Why do I put up protective walls that really need to come down so they, my friends could see the real Dave?” Oh, that stung but it was true and as my tribes have grown, changed, adjusted over time, I have tried to never let the façade take over so that the real me couldn’t be seen.
I had a long serious chat with my best friend, Dale the other day and we were talking about someone who has become dear to him and I asked him what makes this person the person they are? He said one word: “Consistent.”
Consistent-Steady
In our messed up world, where the truth and lies seem to converge a lot, it is important that we are those who can be counted on to be consistent in every aspect of life.
Consistency gives others confidence in what they can expect from us.
It means that our words line up with our actions, and we can be found to be the same person wherever we are and whoever we are with.
We build trust when our behaviors and responses to challenges are consistent over time and through various circumstances.
Do our words and actions line up? Where are we inconsistent? What can we do to be more consistent in what we say and do?
Now For Some Good Medicine
There has got to be a reason why it’s so important to be in a tribe that has significant characteristics for building a foundation of trust, longevity and growth in our relationships.
So The Bible has some good thoughts about relationships and here are a few to help us think through what our tribe should be working towards continually.
1. So encourage each other and build each other up.
2. Don’t be fooled by those who say such things, for “bad company corrupts good character.”
3. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
4. Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.
5. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.
6. Love prospers when a fault is forgiven but dwelling on it separates close friends.
7. The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.
8. Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life.
9. A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.
The Bible says, “Putting confidence in an unreliable person in times of trouble is like chewing with a broken tooth or walking on a lame foot.”
How about it? I think one never stops learning and in developing these and other characteristics, others can confidently trust in us in our tribe or those we are growing in relationship with.
Jesus gives us the ultimate example of consistency.
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
I’m choosing one area to work on over the next week; I’m going to lean in on God, His Word, and prayer to support my growth. I always remember that I can’t change myself without God’s help.
I prayed this prayer this week and it could be something to encourage our growth steps so that our tribe benefits from our changes for good.
Dear God, I know that I blow it quite often and I’ve not been always the best for my tribe but I’m trying.
Help me to work at becoming more authentic for my tribe.
I know I try to shield myself from being vulnerable but I know that sometimes, the only way for people to get to really know me is to open some of the windows to the real me. Even the times when I try and hide from you... which really never makes any sense but I'm glad you don't treat me like I many times deserve.
Help me to be consistent wherever I am and with whomever I’m with so that I can continually be building strong foundations where trust is formed and grows.
Help me to be humble enough to allow you to show me where I need to grow and give me the wisdom, strength, and power to change; I want be a positive influence not only in my tribe but for others too, Amen.
What’s our tribe look like with us in it?
Walking the tribe road with you…
Dave
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