When she left.... When they said I wasn't good enough... When I lost my job... When the family blew up... When a loved one passed away or the friendship disintegrated..... There is always something that will present itself to get in the way of our tomorrows.
Forward Friday walks into our world when the wounds in our lives run deep. Sometimes, the pain seems to never leave or there are times when the pain resurfaces, almost surprising us but the pain is just as acute. There may not be a one size fits all answer to every wound or pain but there are some things that can help us walk through the moments because our tomorrows matter.
Let's Get Into This:
Ever put a Band-Aid on a wound that needed stitches instead?
A colleague of mine recently decided to take a leave of absence. We’ve become friends over the past 3 plus years and he is a prince of a guy.
Helpful, resourceful, kind, accommodating and more.
As we chatted about his leave, I asked him how he felt it would go and what he was going to do over the period of time he would be away.
He said that felt comfortable enough to actually tell me the actual reason why he was taking the leave.
He was going to help his brother get back on track and move forward with his life.
He then said that he couldn’t take losing another brother as his younger brother succumbed to drug use and lost his life.
He was feeling guilty that maybe he didn’t do enough to help his brother change his life so he wanted to do everything he could, including leaving his job to help him.
But the guilt of losing his other brother weighed and continues to weigh heavily on him.
We had the privilege of praying with him and encouraging him as he embarks on this adventure to aid his brother but the wounds run deep.
And he said that he couldn't move forward with his life because he couldn't let go of the yesterday in his life.
Letting go of the past can be challenging. There are events that we have found difficult can have a significant influence on our daily life, from our beliefs to the decisions made.
There are some things that are hard to let go of: Things like:
-The pain of Intimate relationships lost or disrupted.
-Perceived successes or failures
-Mistakes or regrets
-Life events that were/are upsetting or disturbing
Bad Movies Seem To Run In The Mind Too Long:
Many times, we find that bad experiences stand out in the memory more than good ones. They invade in our consciousness when we do not want them to.
Unfortunately, research has shown that bad memories seem to be more vivid than good ones, possibly due to the connection between the emotions and the memories. So much more so when the emotions and memories are negative.
It seems as though the stronger the emotions associated with the memory, the more detail we seem to recall.
It reminds me of a horrible experience with a former principal in one of my former schools. The 18 month interaction was so bad that for a few months after leaving, when the phone would ring in the morning on the way to work, I would jump, remembering some of the awful calls I would get from this principal on the way to work. And it happened many times over.
So……. There must at least one thing we could put into our tool box to help us if we are dealing with deep wounds so that yesterday and today do not determine what our tomorrows will be.
One Of Those Things Is……Patience
One important step in the healing process is patience.
We do know that picking at a wound isn’t the best thing to do because if we pick at it, it won’t heal.
If we don’t rest a strained muscle, we risk further damage.
-The same is true of those traumatic scars that we have.
Slow down and give ourselves real time to heal.
-We cannot put a deadline on our progress.
The choice to take a first step towards healing our emotions can be made at any given moment.
-But it really takes time to heal deeply rooted suffering.
Rushing ourselves will only result in more distress.
-Instead, as one of my coaches would say, breathe and continue to encourage ourselves.
Every little step taken towards healing our mental, emotional, and spiritual wounds is always a step in the right direction.
"The Wounds Run Deep. The Pain Is Almost... Unbearable... But We Can’t Just Curl Up And Die. No Matter How Hard Things Get, Somehow, We’ve Got To Try To Keep Moving Forward."
A friend of mine years ago had an earth shattering event happen in his life. Sadly, he was never able to see that in spite of the pain he was in, he did have a tomorrow waiting on the other side of his yesterday and at that time, his today......
He was never the same...... And it was so sad to see the unraveling of his life because his yesterday and today caused him to not see his tomorrow...
But…….There’s Always Good News
We all experience pain in life, whether emotional or physical pain. No pain is alike, we must all walk the journey and path that has been set out for our lives, yet God promises that there is a purpose in all pain.
We can still move forward each day knowing that God loves us and can use the hurt and pain that we’ve experienced somehow for good… Even when it doesn’t quite make sense.
Please don't give up hope, God has so much more for your life!
Sometimes, the wounds come in the form of things like:
Neglect – I am unimportant
Absence – Divorce, separation, death
Abuse – Mental, physical, sexual, spiritual
Control – Oppressive domination
Withholding – Love, blessings and/or affirmation, deficiencies that lead to a profound lack of self-acceptance.
What’s crazy is that these wounds sometimes have us saying some ultra-negative things about ourselves.
I am unworthy
I am incompetent
I am unloved or unlovable
And when we start talking like that or really thinking like that, we can think things like:
I am not good enough
I am guilty/shameful
I must work harder to justify myself
It’s crazy but if we don’t get the help we need to work through those wounds, we can tend to cover up the pain in all sorts of ways.
But the good news is that God loves us and we don’t have to walk the road of life on our own. It’s good to know that:
God’s heart is always turned towards us, especially when we are in pain
Accepting the truth about one’s Self as a child of God
-God is a gentleman and waits patiently for us to turn to Him
-When we turn to him, He accepts us unconditionally
-He loves us first
-We are His beloved creation
-He wants relationship with us
Jesus Heals:
-When invited into our story, He comes
-When He comes into our story, He is gentle, kind, caring, loving, warm, friendly, accepting and healing.
-When we understand His love, we can receive His love and when that happens, we can really believe these things:
-We are accepted
- We are chosen
- We are loved
- We are God’s creation
- We are precious in His sight
- We are forgiven
- We are been redeemed
-We will never be left or forsaken
-We have an eternal inheritance
-Nothing can separate us from the love of God
A Story We Need To Hear!
So, the prompting for this week's post was a conversation I had last week. I've known the story of pain my friend has experienced but it was his testifying to the incredible changes in his life that prompted me to want to write this week.
He told me that it was okay to share some of his story so I am and maybe if we are stuck in our own life story and our yesterdays and todays are standing in the way of our tomorrows, maybe a little bit of his story will encourage you to remember to believe for our tomorrow.
My friend had a beautiful family and while there were moments, for the most part, it was a good life.
Until a few years ago, when his life was upended in a way that even the strongest mind could and would bend and want to break.
While he tried to do what he could to salvage things, it was not to be.
The next number of months on the way to the dismantling of the family were unyielding attacks of all kinds.
Many times, we would talk and I was amazed at how he still hoped for a positive resolution but it was not meant to be.
We could give all sorts of gory details but that isn't the emphasis of the story: it was in a church service one day months ago that he came to the decision that in spite of it all, he was going to be okay.
That he was choosing not to be bitter, vindictive, hateful or spiteful.
He realized that if his tomorrow was to be, he couldn't let yesterday or those "today" moments dictate how he was going to live.
So last week in the conversation, he talked about how his life has changed over the past 2 years.
-Parts of his family relationships have been restored.
-His work life has dramatically grown.
-His personal life has come alive and one could even say he was surprised by God as having the right attitude/actions opens doors in many areas.
-He is now engaged.... The story is out of this world crazy!!
-He just bought a home and that story is an all world incredible moment.
-He is so much healthier now than a few short years ago.
And it wouldn't have happened had the yesterdays/todays dictated the day in his life.
For all the pain he endured, never said a harsh word or wished harm for what he had to go through.
If he allowed bitter waters to run through his veins, he wouldn't be where he is today!!
Tribe Moment
I am so convinced that the company we keep has a lot to do with the direction of our lives, especially in being a support, encouragement and yes, sometimes having the discussion to prompt us, spur us, challenge us to move forward because as the saying goes, "We can't drive real good if all we do is keep looking in the rear view mirror.
Case In Point:
So I was at my mechanic's house last week and while there, we were talking along with his sister about some things that happened in the past....
As I was expressing some moments from that time that were uncomfortable, it dawned on me as I was looking at them that there was a part to that yesterday that still bothered me.
It was in that moment that with the tribe I'm a part of, that I knew that I didn't have to worry about that "missing" yesterday moment again.
It was freeing and safe because my tribe is a place where growth is part of the equation..
And it should be that those closest to us can help us.... even when we can't see...or...don't want to see..
Wounds that are deep are never easy to work through but knowing that even more than a friend, spouse, family or counselor to support us (which is good and great), God loves us so much that He wants to enter into our story and help us, heal us so we can walk a little better, smile more, and find joy and hope as we walk the road of life because, our tomorrows matter in spite of our yesterdays and todays......
Strength For Today And Bright Hope For Tomorrow! Walking the road with you……..
Dave
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