So it has been a tumultuous week; and to be honest, it seems like George Floyd has been lost in the mayhem that has ensued.
Here are some ideas about how we can, in our little corners make some effective changes in relation to the relationships we have, should have, can have because if we look at the mess we currently see our neighbors to the South having and to some extent, Canada, it looks so overwhelming.
How can we make some changes that can ripple? Well, it’s kind of like everything else; one intentional step, one concerted action, one caring shift at a time.
Well, it’s kind of like everything else; one intentional step, one concerted action, one caring shift at a time.
But I want to bounce back to a couple of things from my previous post.
I wrote not because I was angry but saddened that another man’s life was taken. That I am the guy next door that has a story behind the other stories of his life and unless you take a chance on getting to know me, you’d never know some of the shots and hard moments that got me to where I am today. And yet, I am not bitter.
I wrote because George Lloyd’s murder has been hijacked for political gain. So George’s death is now political football
There were peaceful, meaningful protests.. That got lost in the noise of rioting.. and George got lost in the noise..
The rioting and mayhem has been said by Media people and others with platforms that this needs to happen; so then killing a black former police chief who was protecting his friend’s pawn shop is justified; George got lost in the lawlessness.
It’s interesting how, in many cities who were under lock down, the same leaders said that it was the protesters right to voice their protest, even as the rioting began and ensued… George got lost in the noise….
People are scared; nervous, afraid to venture out not because of Covid but because of the lawlessness taking place in our cities. And George has gotten lost in the fear…
Here in Montreal; it was a peaceful demonstration until dusk fell and then the true colors of many came out; looting and setting fire to buildings, Iconic Steve’s Music Store looted and smashed and dozens of guitars stolen. I didn’t know that George’s death had anything to do with guitars. George got lost in the strumming of guitars.
Subversive, Anarchist groups who are destroying cities and they forgot about George as they robbed Macy’s, Target, the corner grocery stores, destroyed black businesses in the name of revolt. George got lost in the destruction…
People who know better calling this an insurrection of epic proportions; if we are doing this for George’s sake, please stop saying that because this is a mess and this will not change much except but for destruction, carnage and evil. George is getting lost in the insurrection…
It’s hard to believe that some would equate the thuggery of decimating neighborhoods, wanton strikes of cowardice with Jesus overturning the money changers tables in the temple. Jesus made a way for those who were seeking truth to have their opportunity to worship, find what they were looking for in the temple. Burning down Target, neighborhoods doesn’t seem like making a way for anyone except turning black neighborhoods into barren lands. George seems to be lost in the overturning of the neighborhood.
I am struck how, George’s death sparks riots and those officers have been arrested and charged which is well and good yet, Memorial weekend in Chicago 39 people were shot, 11 killed, May 31st 85 people were shot and 24 killed, predominately black victims and it seems like we don’t care about those lives… Could it be that we only care about some of it… and not all of it…….and how it fits our thinking…… I would say that life matters and is precious…..maybe there is a lot more virtue signalling on so many sides that we care not admit
But I am convinced that even though it is dark, there is hope and potential so today, I want to throw out some of my thoughts that maybe could start some meaningful conversations, relationships, create some open lines of communication and see us build change, one person, one conversation, one relationship at a time.
So Conversations:
I Am The Guy Next Door-You Are My Neighbor/We Need To Get To Know Each Other
We Must Talk, Connect And Figure Things Out….
I know the Antifa’s, the Black Lives Matter Fringe elements, the hangers on looking for trouble, the governments etc. will not see this but if you do, if I do, we can make change a possibility where we are.
Some of you have said in private messages how helpless you feel and at times I do too but….. I believe in change…..
Clicks, Tweets, Texts And Comments
We have become a society of clicks, tweets, likes and comments but relationships have become short in supply.
Do you have that friend that seems to only answer texts but have a hard time answering their phone? Drives me crazy I admit...
There is a lost art of drawing into deeper relationships and in this season, it is time for us to break molds we’ve been in and cross the lines of staying away from what is unfamiliar to us.
It’s strange; we can be friendly with some people but not really know them;
Way back as a teenager, my dad and I had a conversation about friendships and relationships in church.
He said that there were people in our church who had known each other for 20 years, called each other friends and never graced the threshold of the “said” friend(s) place.
I remember being in shock because it didn’t make sense to me that people who supposedly called each other friends never hit up their friend’s house.
My parents were not the norm: we had young people, young adults, families, single adults etc. of all brands (I like the sound of that) at our house all the time.
My best friend’s dad came to be our pastor and as I have been reminiscing, it was during his tenure that some of the connecting of people and home connections became more prevalent.
So it became part of my DNA to help to be a connector of and for people because of what I witnessed.
I saw my parents be connectors to people.
You must understand that my parents, a black Bermudian and a biracial French Canadian/American were connectors here, bringing black and white people together.
I can only do the same because even though there were many slights and hurts I’ve experienced, I’ve seen good too.
I think of the many injustices my dad and mom faced but it didn’t stop them from connecting and creating the opportunities for people to learn from each other and grow relationships.
Sometimes, we develop Organic friendships like the one I have with Dale, my best friend. 45 plus years of fun, tough moments, heartache, wins, thrills but it’s been great.
Dale is the charming blue eyed, blond, freckled “almost” nice guy and I’m the regal one!! (Lies, all lies)
We were talking this week about what we remember about growing up together at each other’s houses.
He said, “He remembers my mom treating him better than my brother and I!”
I remember his mom always giving me as much ice cream as Dale ate. Now you may say what is the significance of the ice cream? I call her Mom still and tell you that she made me feel like I was her 3rd son and while it was more than just the ice cream, it spoke to how she made me feel!
But I bring this up to say that most of us would hope to have “organic” connections because it’s easier but the truth is, in this time we live in, many of us are going to have to bust that organic idea and get uncomfortable and warm up to the notion of reaching out.
Reaching out to the co-worker, the next door neighbor, the one you normally wouldn’t hang out with and learn some new stories and share your story so there can be cross pollination. If the flowers need the bees, we need each other in all its diversity.
Most of us would hope to have “organic” connections because it’s easier but the truth is, in this time we live in, many of us are going to have to bust that organic idea and get uncomfortable and warm up to the notion of reaching out.
Uncomfortable Conversations
Some people have said, it’s going to be uncomfortable; what am I going to say?
The last time I checked, we all bleed red, we breathe the same oxygen so that kind of lets us know that we can start and try.
Some say, “what if I’m not Saying it all right”; it probably might come out wrong but we’ve got to start so why not now?
It could be Things like: what have been your life experiences that have shaped you?
What are some things that have hurt you and caused you pain?
What is it that you want me to know about you; your hopes, dreams, aspirations?
What do you do for fun?
What do you do for fun? Music, sports, leisure etc.?
Sounds kind of normal except many have never crossed the line so to speak to get to know someone of color and I should also say in some cases, the reverse is also true of Black people.
Fear reigns on both sides of this issue but it’s a shame that many in our society only see a great divide when we can make advances….only if we try.
But as long as we stay afraid, keeping those that are not like us at arm’s length, when things like what happened to George happen, for a lot of people, we look surprised and wonder why there is so much angst, anger, emotion etc. (without the rioting of course…)
How can we empathize when we know so little about the people we may work with, share a fence in our back yard with, attend church with, be on a sports team or some other connecting event, club?
There are so many angles to this situation, so many years of neglect, indifference, ignorance, frustration, pent up emotions, too little done, too little change, it doesn’t affect me but we “must” start to act and I know of no better way of breaking down stereotypes, learning about people, and in turn learning about ourselves than by truly wanting, and then acting on connecting.
Some Potential Pitfalls
Please, please, please, You should not be made to feel guilty for being white outwardly or inwardly.
In as much as I need not feel guilty for being black, the reverse is true that you should be not made to feel guilty for being white.
How we treat others is the $10 question that should rule our lives. “The Golden Rule” needs to be our guide.
On the other side of this counter balance, it should be and has to be okay that I can show emotion, even being angry and upset to see George Floyd die and hurt me to my deepest core.
I didn’t say rage; that helps no one but to be allowed to feel, express my feelings and that’s okay and in the context of a relational connection, we grow with the bumps and bruises of learning about each other.
A Few Thought Provokers
Now, if you are white, you could already be reacting to the phrases "white fragility" and "white supremacy." But rather than react, why not ask ourselves some simple questions?
Is it your heart to want to see true fairness for every citizen?
Is justice a value that you support?
Do you believe that, ultimately, there is one race, the human race?
Do you refuse the idea that people of color are inherently inferior?
Do you reject any form of apartheid or segregation?
If you consider yourself a follower of Jesus, do you agree that the spirit of racism is in conflict to the spirit of the gospel?
I would like to think that every person of conscience would answer the first five questions in the affirmative and that every follower of Jesus would also answer the sixth question in the affirmative.
If something is wrong, let us fix it. If the problem runs deep, let us look for deep solutions.
If we are part of the problem, let us be part of the solution. That's what humility calls for. Let the truth come to the light.
There is no reason to be fragile. Let us do what is right. And if we are falsely accused, let us push back with the truth.
If some of our earliest laws protected racism, let us recognize and admit it. No one claims that America and Canada has been perfect, plus we weren't the ones who made those laws.
That means we can praise our founders for the good they did and remain grateful to that good while also acknowledging the wrong they did.
There's no reason to be fragile when it comes to our history. Like the history of every nation, the history of our nations is mixed. And when it comes to the present, where this is wrong, let us face it. That's what humility does.
It is those who are secure who can be humble. The insecure take refuge in unreasonable pride.
But being humble when it comes to race issues doesn't mean that it is a justification for mayhem, menace, rioting and destruction.
We need to be mindful of the race baiters who want to rile us and get us mad.
Or that we accept every claim of injustice.
I am secure in the fact that I am not a racist and I do not believe that every white person is racist.
But when I have a blind spot when it comes to the treatment of a fellow human being, I want to be made aware. I would hope you would feel the same.
That doesn't mean we walk around feeling guilty. (Why should we, unless we are guilty?)
That doesn't mean we embrace identity politics or intersectionality.
That doesn't mean that we agree with every solution being put forth.
That doesn't mean that we encourage others to have a victim mentality.
And that doesn't mean that we as black people bear no responsibility or are above criticism.
We forge ahead in growth and growth is never easy but for something that will be timeless and a testament to others that we can change the narrative of race relations, we “Must” push ahead.
Ask questions, don’t be afraid to answer the questions that come our way and hear the answers to the questions you ask. You may not like some of it but it’s not about what we want to hear but but it very well be what we need to hear.
Covid has messed us up with connections as we know it but as we move out of restrictions over time, we need to connect even more deeply.
Zoom, Facetime etc have their shelf life but nothing can replace tried and true inter personal connections live.
Coffee shops, restaurants, park benches, our homes, our apts, our churches can and should be places that we start to look at the making intentional connections.
So, What Are You Going To Do About It?
Will you run and hide or try to think about and then connect with someone you know who isn’t like you to learn and to grow?
Will you think about how you’ve been seeing the world and push past your insecurities to get to know someone and genuinely want to see life through their eyes?
It means we decide that we are willing to ask the difficult questions, including that we are committed to working towards justice, fairness and equality for all.
Because, Who’s Coming To Your House?
George’s death cannot be lost in the noise, the mayhem, the rhetoric, the political weaponizing of his tragic, senseless death but really, it’s in our hands, wherever we are, who we are, how we connect with others.
It can get better; it will take time but it will get better…..Conversations….
Dave
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