There's nothing new under the sun when it comes to walking through grief moments in our lives; it's not easy and there is no set formula to heal but there are some things that can help us. This Motivational Monday is all about helping us as we could be grieving the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a divorce, a job etc.
One thing I've realized and hope you do too is that even though we walk the journey of grieving by ourselves in many respects, we don't have to be alone in the walk and journey either.
There’s No Way Getting Past It: To Get Better, There Will Be Pain.
For the knee to heal after a sports injury, there will be the painful work of rehab. To get stronger, there will be the experience of soreness that comes from work outs.
(I lived that 3 years ago; grueling at times but had to go through it to get back to where I was pre-injury)
The broken bone will heal, the pain of setting the bone will be something to endure.
I'm finding that grief isn't much different. God gives us grace needed to withstand the waves of sadness.
As much as I'm sad, I find that God provides his presence in the heaviness of grief. We have to allow ourselves to feel the sadness and lament. The tears that come/will come bring us a little closer to healing.
Healing Comes In Time
Sometimes, because of my work with so many details to be aware and up on, it's like I have a playbook in my mind.
Sometimes, because of my work with so many details, it's like I have a playbook in my mind. If I do this and if I do that, the formula will work.
Why not talk to a trusted friend/counselor. Write. Talk about loss. Sometimes, my approach seemed like I thought I could heal myself. If I did step A,B,C, D, then I probably would be less sad.
But I've been reminded over and over of a favorite verse of mine:
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble.
I am reminded that I can't mend my broken heart, but God certainly can.
I recognize that I need to continually wait patiently for him to heal the ache that doesn't seem like it wants to leave at times.
Even in the pain, I have this steadfast hope and reality that God can restore anything.
Feelings Festival
I'm experiencing many feelings in new ways.
I'm experiencing many feelings in new ways. Sadness, guilt, despair, anxiety, fear, hopelessness, longing, anger, and frustration have run through my mind.
Those feelings need to be expressed, and I have to remember that it is “at the moment.”
It gives me hope and permission to have different feelings at a later time.
I'm starting to get with the idea that I cannot understand and will never really understand the divine nature of birth or death.
It is a walk of life to embrace living without an answer by trusting and embracing the mysteries of God.
Let The Tears Flow
As I've said in the previous blog, I haven't really cried yet. Outside of the day that mom passed away, the few days after and the day of the funeral, it has been quiet in that regard.
I know a lot of people are afraid of tears. but it is human to cry. Crying helps the healing process and it doesn't matter whether we cry with friends, family, or alone.
I know there will come the moment when the grief “freight train” runs over me. But I've decided to be in the moment, and recognize that it will pass. As in many other areas of my life, I know that struggling through the emotions will bring relief as the reward.
“But there was no need to be ashamed of tears. For tears bore witness that a man/woman had the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer.”
Interestingly enough, I went by the grave site today and they finally engraved the tombstone. Tears did begin to flow today for the first time in a long time..
Talk To Someone
Some people have said, "Dave, I don't feel comfortable talking about it; am I weird for saying that?" While we are not all the same personalities, when it comes to grief, I know for me, it is important to verbalize my feelings.
Yes, I have those I can talk with more intimately and others, it is less in depth but nevertheless, we must talk those feelings we have out.
We shouldn't hide or deny those feelings.
I've learned to say I need my friends and ask for help and for me, that comes in the form of coffee, a burger etc.
I've also come to understand that 7 months later, there are a lot of people who don’t know what to say and that's okay. There are no experts in this. I'm grateful for those who have been strong and courageous to spend the time to be on the journey with me and hear my heart and thoughts.
And I'm thankful I can always talk to God.
When a helping hand is refused when needed, it also means not giving that person a chance to be helpful.
To reach out and take someone by the hand is the beginning of a passage. There are the other moments when it's time to allow someone to take ours.
To Forward Steps & Sunshine Moments this week!
Dave
“I'm finding that I continually need to bring my broken heart to My Heavenly Father because not only is He the doctor who mends it, but also the Father who wipes away the tears.”
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