I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way….
Things that have happened to us in the past are not always easy to deal with… Heck, if I were honest, sometimes, the hardest thing to do is drop the ball of pain, discomfort, sometimes betrayal, what we once had is now no more and move forward. I’ve had a number of people reach out and asked if I would speak to past hurts and how to get through it.
There is a cautionary tale at the end of this post that is worth reading but that’s for later.
Sometimes, I think we hold on to the past because we seemingly think that it gives us power… when in reality it is like sand going through our fingers….
Sometimes, I think we hold on to the past because we seemingly think that it gives us power… when in reality it is like sand going through our fingers…
So instead of “dwelling” on the past, I was looking at some ideas I’ve tried to use to help me and others get through some dark periods because well, the only way to get through it is to go through….
Voice Your Feelings..
We need to get the pain we’re feeling off our chest. Whether it’s talking to the individual (if it’s appropriate) who has harmed us (or who we harmed), expressing to a friend or writing it down, getting our feelings out.
Don’t hold those feelings in because holding those feelings in can lead to angst, depression, headaches and high blood pressure to name a few.
I remember at a conference listening to the speaker suggest that in moments like these, use “I” messages when describing the pain/frustration we are going through.
These little tips can help us in sorting out what, if anything, needs to be done to move on.
Sometimes, I think we hold on to the past because we seemingly think that it gives us power… when in reality it is like sand going through our fingers…
Learn From The Moments; Just Don’t Stay There.
The negative experiences we had can actually be a great teacher-- no matter how painful they were/are. Sometimes, reflecting on the experiences can actually benefit us in the future.
In one of those hard moments, I asked myself a few things….
Things like, what took place and taking the emotions out of it and looking at things in a factual way.
It really helped me figure out some ways I could have been wiser in my actions.
I wish I had that knowledge in an earlier painful situation but then, experience teaches us lessons right?
What were my emotions like? I write things down which helped/helps to clarify things in my mind.
How can I use this to energize me in the future?
And then, it’s time to move forward. Reflection is good for a bit and appropriate, but there comes a time when dwelling just keeps those negative thoughts and feelings in the mix.
Put Our Fingers Down.
Victimization is nothing new but has become more widespread in our society and yes, it is easy and sometimes feels pretty good.
The problem is, blaming others prevents us from going forward. But after a while, pointing fingers is just complaining.
It’s been said that condemning others gives power to someone else and makes us insignificant.
When we are continually in the blame cycle, we are in the nonconstructive zone. We detest/dislike/scorn someone else or some outside factor because we feel we life is not in our favor and we are stuck.
The Present Matters.
If the past was important now, we’d still have it but we don’t so it’s time, as hard as it appears is to now live where we are now… enthusiastically.
We need to learn to embrace the present. Reliving the past and conjuring up the past hurts may seem like a good idea for supposed power but all it does is keep us handcuffed to a past that isn’t coming back.
Reliving the past and conjuring up the past hurts may seem like a good idea for supposed power but all it does is keep us handcuffed to a past that isn’t coming back.
After a love lost, I threw myself into growing my skill set in my occupation at the time and maybe for you it will be keep yourself active.
That could look like a cooking class, a group sport, a new hobby, a new skill to cultivate, a dinner out with a new friend, connect/community groups at the church you go to etc.
But whatever we do, make it something that motivates and helps to give proper perspective that we have life track in front us.
Who Is Around….You…..
That old adage that to show me your friends will greatly tell me your future also works for who are the positive wheels in our life and the negative wet bags in said same life.
Sometimes, we need to steer clear of those whose seemingly expressed purpose is to bring us little positive currency for our steps into the future.
I have found that even in good places, there are some people who can’t or won’t see the bright side of the sun (the sun doesn’t have a side but you get what I mean) although everyone else does.
There are many opportunities to connect with great people; armed with information from the past should help us recognize more clearly those who will create negative imbalances in our lives. It may take time but positive people in our lives can help us move forward.
I was speaking at a youth conference a few years ago and we were talking about this very subject. Most young people like the truth not candy coated so I said,
“We should be careful about what we try to bring back from the past (the not so good stuff) because what’s behind us is on the back side of us and it could be smelly”. Enough said.
I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.
Cautionary Tale: there are those who try to create a new future by destroying their present ill advised. I’ve come to see over time in many situations and circumstances that some things that happen to us are out of our hands and we must learn to walk through that lens of life.
But trying to force a new reality, a new road without provocation or for lack of right motives has its own detours, potholes and hindrances that one must know comes with those choices.
Choose wisely; our future roads depend on those choices.
We'll finish up our In The Past thoughts with our Motivational Monday Blog. Enjoy your weekend!! Here's to great days ahead!!
Dave
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