Lessons in the Dust: Getting Through Disappointments

Disappointments are a hard thing to get over. I would say based on personal experience and those of others, although anger, warranted in our minds or misplaced is a dangerous thing, sometimes, disappointment has this lingering affect that makes getting over whatever the disappointment is harder to break.

I remember the heartbreak of love lost. So many of us have lived that tune and it sucks.. Sometimes, we would just love to croon a country and western song forever so everyone knows just how bad it is!!!

Sometimes, we would just love to croon a country and western song forever so everyone knows just how bad it is!!!

There is this story in the Bible that I think speaks to how disappointment can really ratchet up to make us feel as though giving up can be a legitimate option.

Stories for me helps me identify with my feelings but also can give me some options in dealing with and getting through the difficulties of the disappointment.

There was a prophet named Elijah and he had just won this monumental showdown between himself and the prophets of the king and queen. There had been a severe famine in the land and things had become desperate. Long story short, if after praying to their god, fire came down on their altar, then it would be obvious who to follow. Elijah prayed after the prophets prayed and failed and fire came down from the heavens and burnt up or consumed his altar and offering. He not only won that battle but prayed for rain and the rains came.

Great story except that in the next picture frame, the queen had a freak out and called for Elijah’s head. Elijah took off and fled to the wilderness. He ended up under a tree and said to God that he might as well die because he had had enough. In fact, he even said that he was no better than his ancestors.

Have you ever felt like that? To the point that we just want to shrivel up and die? Great victory and the next emotion is dismay, disappointment because life had thrown him such a curve that he in a sense just wanted to give up?

Have you ever felt like that? To the point that we just want to shrivel up and die? Great victory and the next emotion is dismay, disappointment because life had thrown him such a curve that he in a sense just wanted to give up?

So, a few stories. I had a job that I loved. It was something where I gave my heart and soul to it and saw it grow through changes both through good and not so good times but kept moving forward, reinventing myself. I’ll never forget when I was told that I was no longer needed and how excruciating it was to hear and feel the treatment of being cast away.

Have you ever had a love that seemed destined for happily ever after but instead blew up into smithereens? I dated this lovely gal and was falling in love with her. Yes, there were a few bumps at times but doesn’t everyone go through those moments?

We did but I was sure I wanted to spend my life with this lady. I remember the night when it became very apparent that what she wanted and I wanted were two different things and that our roads were not going continue in the same direction. Talk about crushed and disappointed…..

I remember the night when it became very apparent that what she wanted and I wanted were two different things and that our roads were not going continue in the same direction. Talk about crushed and disappointed…..

It really trended downwards when a few months later, I had a kidney stone attack and was hospitalized for 10 days. I was not a happy person already and knowing that my former love of my then life was on to another young man and can you say bottom out some?

My co-worker at the time said later after I recovered and was back at school, “don’t take this the wrong way but I only came once to visit you in the hospital because you were like a real grizzly bear”. Oops not good but the disappointment was hard to bear on top of being sick.

The trouble with disappointment is that when it hits, it seems to bore deep inside to the core.

A few years ago, I had another very trying work experience. To sum it up, the boss I had was a tyrant not only to myself but to the entire staff. I had never been threatened with such an arsenal in my life. I look back now and see that there were some lessons learned from the battle but…. Disappointment was at my door again.

I loathed the early morning drive into the office because I wasn’t sure what shoe would be dropping, what complaint would be brought up, what threat would be unleashed, what debilitating accusation would be thrown to try and crush the spirit…

Just never knew what to expect and because of it, for a guy who could sleep through pretty much anything, I was having sleepless nights and panic attacks.

Just never knew what to expect and because of it, for a guy who could sleep through pretty much anything, I was having sleepless nights and panic attacks.

So Elijah is sitting under the broom tree kind of waiting or hoping to die because after all he’s done, he feels like all is lost.

Then a strange thing happens; the continuing story unfolds that an angel is sent to wake Elijah up and he said to him, “Get Up And Eat”. Elijah looks around and sees bread and water. So he eats and drinks and then lies down again. The angel comes again and says, to get up and eat again because the journey is too long without eating and drinking the water. Because he got up and ate and drank the water, he had enough strength to travel 40 days and nights until he got to his next destination.

So a while ago, it occurred to me that with some of the disappointments that I’ve gone through, the only way to get through it is to go through it.

It could even sound trite or even clichéd but think about it for a minute; sometimes, the only way out is through. Many times, I wished for, prayed for whatever the issue was, it would disappear, I would suddenly jump over it to get over it, around it etc but generally speaking, going through is the way that brings us strength, heals, creates opportunity to become wiser, maybe soften the edges, makes us appreciate the good things we have been blessed with in our lives, helps us figure out how to treat others well and maybe helps us grow more than we did before.

Sometimes, as in Elijah’s case, to sit down and wait for the end to come could feel like we have that right because after all, it happened to us but I think we stop living and only exist when we feel the emotions only and never move from how it feels, how it hurts to could there be something more to help us move forward somehow?

I mean, we couldn’t comprehend day without night, hot without cold, sharp without dull and the list goes on.

we couldn’t comprehend day without night, hot without cold, sharp without dull and the list goes on.

And to move forward after disappointments gives us the chance to experience that very opposite but it can only happen if we take the chance to eat and drink something, then get up because the journey of life is too long without it.

Elijah’s story is an incredibly nuanced story, complete with twists and turns but his getting up and making the journey also set up the coming scene of the next prophet so not only did his getting up help in the working through of his disappointment but also made a difference for the future of his country with the one that was to follow him.

I know for me, I learned going through the first episode that I would need to not take for granted the type of work relationships I had/have in my life. Understanding that some friendships at work were no more than transactional business relationships makes it much simpler to navigate in those connections.

I learned and am still learning to be more discerning when it came/comes to personal relationships. I also realized that I had a part to play in that previous relationship heading to its end. Hindsight and walking through the pain, loss and learning some things about myself helped me move forward in a positive manner. Because of a little past rain, I am blessed to have found the partner who is exactly what I needed and 22 years later, it still rings true…

Learning to be more assertive in my professional life was/is huge. Not to undervalue myself because for me at least, if I undervalue me, then it’s much easier for someone else to do the same.

If I undervalue me, then it’s much easier for someone else to do the same.

If there is one thing I would say I am still learning is that disappointment can masquerade as silent bitterness and bitterness roots itself in digging into our soul.

Don’t let disappointment fester for long; it can do untold harm to our spirit, soul, mind, heart and outlook on life.

It’s a natural emotion to be disappointed but at some point, the journey of life demands that we figure out a way to get up, even if it’s with the aid of a crutch, a walking stick, a cane, a friend, a counselor, a family member but we somehow have to get up. For our own sake and whether we always believe it or not, our life matters…

It’s a natural emotion to be disappointed but at some point, the journey of life demands that we figure out a way to get up, even if it’s with the aid of a crutch, a walking stick, a cane, a friend, a counselor, a family member but we somehow have to get up. For our own sake and whether we always believe it or not, our life matters…

The broom tree might grow in the desert but I can think of a whole lot of other trees and places I would want to sit under….

Eat something, drink something, talk to someone, take a walk, listen to a song, watch a movie, read a book but whatever we do, don’t let disappointment keep us down forever.

Don’t let disappointment keep us down forever.

Dave

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