Have you ever had… the driver who cuts you off and then looks back as if it was your fault for their bad driving habits… or the driver who is driving so close to you to move you out of the way only to get by you to get off at the next exit… or you’re standing in line at the checkout counter and the person checking out can’t find their card, or it’s declined or they didn’t make sure the scan code was on the item they were buying or they have a fit because something didn’t scan right?
You know that person I’m talking about and we tap our feet, sigh real loud, look exasperated to the other customers as we all feel the “Pain” of waiting. Or maybe it’s the co-worker who loves to “one up” who ever is telling a story and in our minds its, “here we go again”. Or or or and the list goes on. What I can tell you is that sometimes I catch myself especially on the highway thinking, you know sometimes that’s me. My favorite? A driver is coming on to the highway from a service road and wants to get in and acts they should get in where they feel and not acknowledge the action of letting them in. Boy, that ticks me off…. Until I remember that sometimes, I do the same thing and I’m saying although the driver can’t hear me, “c’mon let me in, be nice about it”.
Now, while these are not life altering moments for the most part, it does say something about how we dole out mercy and how we like to receive mercy.
What about the harder issues of life? How about the person who has done us wrong? The boss who treated us terribly to the point of termination, loss of income etc? The person who we thought was our friend or a spouse or a family member who has hurt us in ways that struck us to the core? Events, circumstances, moments that have had life altering consequences for us? The reality is, we at different points of time, we are either on the giving of mercy or the receiving end of mercy and we need mercy to be received in our lives and given to be healthy emotionally, spiritually etc.
So what does mercy mean anyway?
It speaks of compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone when it is within one's power to punish or harm or get back at someone.
Funny though; we are more inclined to eventually show mercy to someone we know than to the one we barely know or are not in relationship with of any kind. Some would say, how can we do that when the person(s) actions have been so hurtful and disruptive to us?
I think one of the many reasons why we should consider mercy is because in many cases, it is tied to forgiveness or the lack of.
Let’s face it, the lack of mercy is more natural to the human condition so it is far easier sometimes to want to be upset, angry, frustrated with whomever than to show some mercy.
As I’ve found out and am still finding out, half of the time when we show mercy, the person with whom we are upset with doesn’t even know we were/are upset so then, mercy in many ways is for the healing of us.
I believe know firsthand because I experienced the freedom of showing mercy and how forgiveness ties in with it.
You see, I was abused by a family friend when I was 7 years old. Thank God that my brain shut down the memory but later on, there were issues that came to forefront of my life that I struggled with. One of them was that my mind was a mess at times. Frustrating to say the least.
It’s a November day in 2002 and I am out on the road going to different locations to pick up props for a week of events at my church. I was picking up some lockers and my mind was feeling pretty dark, it wasn’t pretty when my mind would go dark and take me to depths that scared me to no end. So that day, I yelled, “God, this has got to stop! Why is this happening again? I can’t take it anymore!”
So that day, I yelled, “God, this has got to stop! Why is this happening again? I can’t take it anymore!”
No sooner had I screamed out those words but I was taken back to a room in 1968 and suddenly realized that the reason for the darkness stemmed from that moment years earlier. My reaction was to say I forgive him and I felt a warmth that I hadn’t experienced that I could qualitatively remember. My next reaction when I began to process what was happening was, something that held me was losing its grip in an instant but it opened up some other questions…
Questions like: this is crazy and I’ve been the only one carrying this weight, this burden and I need to talk and to who and when?
What will people think? After all, because of the position of leadership I’m in now, what will be thought of me? Will people be thinking, “Yep, he’s been a hot mess the whole time! You can’t fool us!” or “poor him: so tough to have had that happen to him.”
What do you do?
So, some food for thought:
I’ve never talked to the person but I decided to show mercy by forgiving him and yes, he hurt me but for me to carry resentment, frustration and pain forever would only make me sick and my life has to be more than walking around with a grudge, showing how tough I am to carry extra weight, extra baggage and for what? To make myself sick, living in constant resentment and I’ve noticed that people who live that type of lifestyle generally take things out on people who’ve done them no harm because they are living a pained life. It just seems to come out of them without even realizing the pain and frustration they have inside and who they inflict no mercy, no love, no grace to because they are so conflicted.
I also had to forgive and show mercy to myself. I am thankful that God loved me enough to help me through the turbulence but also to see that I was worth forgiving myself for my thoughts, preconceived notions, not feeling particularly happy with not being able to defeat the dark thoughts for such a long time.
That being able to talk about what I was going through was helpful and eventually not being concerned about what people thought so as to keep me from healing from the inside out.
This week in the car, I realized that I need to show mercy to the driver who buds in line with no “etiquette”, the person who can’t decide what they want to eat at McDonald’s. (Should I even be there anyway?)
And while we may laugh the “fluff” moments off, how we react in the small things are many times indicative of how we handle the bigger life issues.
One of my guiding posts is the Bible and there are some great thoughts about mercy. Here are a few..
God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others. But if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when he judges you.
Your kindness will reward you, but your cruelty will destroy you.
“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.
Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, and criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging.
So what can we do practically even this week to help us on the road to being more merciful people in our life journey?
Here are a few that I’m thinking about:
If you didn’t mean to be a pain in the neck to someone, admit you were and ask the person to forgive you.
Call someone who you know is lonely, even if you understand why they’re lonely. Especially if you do.
Write a letter of forgiveness to someone. If you cannot send it, ask God to have mercy on you both and then burn or bury it.
Do something kind and helpful for someone who you don’t get along with, or who has wronged you.
Be generous enough to allow someone to help you; people need to feel needed.
Hold. Your. Tongue.
Many times when we receive an encouragement to do a good thing(s), the first reflex that comes out of most lips is that the world will be a better place for our behaviors, actions which is true. But maybe a truer way to think of it I believe is to say, “Why can’t we try to do good where we are planted first in all that it entails because if we can do good where we are, it eventually spreads to the world around us. The first way of conceptualizing sometimes seems far off in the distance but to do good, to show mercy where we are planted is boots on the ground thinking, where we are. The world then truly gets affected because it’s now not theory but a movement to action.
So, no mercy… but…. we all need to give and receive mercy.
Hope this helps you a little bit as you walk out your day to day life moments.
I’d love to hear back from you. Questions, thoughts etc.…
Have a wonderful mercy filled week!
Dave
Today’s good news: When you’re kind to others, you help yourself; when you’re cruel to others, you hurt yourself.
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