"I'm still mad at you for giving me those behavioral compliance letters."
"I'm still mad at you for giving me those behavioral compliance letters." This coming from a student who I had back in elementary school.
Funny thing was, this is now 7 years later and my now high school student was still harboring something that was in the past... I mean way in the past.....
And she earned those letters that had to go home but still, had a hard time getting past it.
After a period of 2 months of constantly reminding me of how bothered she was for having received those letters, we had a meeting of the minds and slowly, it was finally let go.
But to think that 7 years of being offended was part of her life sounds crazy but the funny thing is, there are people who are walking around daily, offended, bothered, frustrated because of something or somebody...
A friend of ours was mad at us for years.... to the point that they had sleepless nights, upset stomach to the point of ulcer like symptoms only to find out that what they were offended about never happened.
It seems as though when we take offense, there are parts that on the surface appear to give us power.
But really, what power are we holding when we are constantly offended?
Anger
Bitterness
We are Owed.
We are right.....
No one knows what we know like we know it
Cynical
We become edgy, mean spirited
Warmth is replaced by coldness
I have seen friendships, marriages, families, work relationships, work environments taken to the brink of destruction because someone or somebodies couldn't let the offense go and it appeared to be more important to go down in a blaze of glory (actually a maze of pain) than to think about reacting differently.
So, here are some thoughts to help us think about learning on how not to be so easily offended. Maybe there's a friend, family member we could pass these thoughts on to so they could maybe get free of being stuck in the perpetual cycle of being offended.
Don't "Take" Offense
“Take” is defined as a voluntary action to grab, hold, or grip something. It goes back to choice. We can decide not to “take” offense. Let the opportunity to grab on to those feelings pass us by.
The Garbage Truck Mentality
This is an “It’s them not me” way of thinking. Some people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, frustration, anger, and disappointment until they need somewhere to dump it. Sometimes it might be right on us. We may not have a choice in whether we are at the receiving end of these dump trucks, but we do have a choice in how we react. We can choose to smile, wave, and just move on.
Can Pride Cloud Our Perspective?
Don’t allow our pride to burn bridges just because someone points out an imperfection. Sometimes we can be the problem. Sometimes the delivery may be a little off, but what a friend/relative says might be true. This often hurts the most because it is coming from someone we love/admire/respect. Listen to what is being said and chalk it up to constructive criticism. Let our love/care/respect for the person overshadow our pride.
The Golden Rule
What about the times we offend someone? Just like the golden rule. We can react to others the way we would like to be reacted to. I feel grateful when someone graciously lets go of my careless comment or thoughtless remark. Having experienced both sides of an offense, wouldn’t we rather be the ones who reacts in a kinder, more gentle way?
Forgive And Move Forward For those of us who, to the best of our ability try to daily walk out our spiritual journey in a meaningful way, The greatest example of forgiving is Jesus. As he hung on the cross, he prayed saying: “forgive them for they know not what they do”. What He did for mankind can help us avoid and triumph over offenses. Accept the past, journal about it if it helps, and then move on. We can leave it with him and allow ourselves to heal.
For Our Health
The science behind harboring anger and resentment proves to be unhealthy on so many levels. Increased incidences of depression, unhappiness, and higher mortality rates are just a few of the side effects of refusing to let go of an offense and forgive.
There are burn patients in the ER who are enraged either with themselves or someone else because of their injuries. It is said that a skin graft will take if the patient can abandon entitled feelings of revenge and justice.
There are burn patients in the ER who are enraged either with themselves or someone else because of their injuries. It is said that a skin graft will take if the patient can abandon entitled feelings of revenge and justice. By letting those feelings go the body can focus on healing.
The whole theory of in with the good and out with the bad really does help us physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
So how about it? Life is too short to being offended all the time or at all. It doesn't mean we can't be frustrated when something happens but.... it's all in how we handle the moments.. Life is way too short to being offended all the time...
Maybe a change is in order.... It's for our good!!
To a weekend with no offense!!!! Why not?
Forward Friday Hope!!!
Dave
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