So we are back for another installment of Unsung Heroes.
Now more than ever, it is important to focus our attentions on stories that will encourage us, enlighten us and also sensitize us to, about and for people.
Most people go about their daily lives doing what they do and many if not most times, no one takes notice but if they didn’t do what they did………
Our communities I dare say would not be better off if these unsung heroes were not there.
The fatigue of this period of time has worn on so many so some real stories of everyday people can be just the right medicine to help us raise our eye levels a little bit past this 6 month grind of Covid, political uncertainty etc.
So in this Forward Friday on a Saturday Reflections 6th installment, I want to introduce you to my mom, Beatrice Mary Dancy Mills, otherwise known as Bumble Bea.
I had planned on taking a week off of our unsung hero series but as I have been thinking about mom, I realized that there was no more fitting person to pay homage to as an unsung hero than my mom.
The fact that today, September 19th, is her birthdate makes it a good time to celebrate her memory.
Even though it’s almost 18 months since Mom made her glorious exit to heaven, the pain and loss of this incredible lady still reverberates in our hearts and minds.
But, as mom would say, “It’s Going To Get Better!”
So, there are many better moments to talk about where mom is concerned because unsung heroes wherever they are and whoever they touch leave indelible “Better Moments” impressions with those they’ve encountered.
So Some Of Those Better Moments:
Mom grew up in Montreal and it wasn’t easy even at the best of times.
Mom’s mother was a French Canadian lady who met and married a black gentleman from North Carolina in Montreal.
After mom was born, she did not have the blessing and opportunity of having her mom as she died when mom was very young.
Because her dad was trying to grow a fledging business, mom was sent to boarding school as well as the nuns convent during her formative years.
To say that these moments were some of the hardest times for her was an understatement.
Why Is It Relevant?
Growing up, we had the neighborhood kids at our house all the time.
They said they loved the treats, snacks etc. but I think it was the love mom poured out to them that they especially desired and craved.
They may have not quantified it as such but that’s what mom was amazing at doing; making us/ kids/people feel wanted, accepted, valued and loved.
When mom would tell me some of the horror moments of her childhood, adolescence and late teen world, it is a God given miracle that she had the loving, forgiving and mentoring spirit that she did have.
There was rarely a day especially in the spring, summer and fall that I wouldn’t come home and there would be someone on the porch chatting with mom or better yet, the front door would be unlocked and mom would be holding court across the street at the grocery store spending time with the neighborhood folk.
Mom loved when, as we got older that we would want to have our friends over for lunch or dinner. Mom would treat them like Kings which I always thought was crazy: I mean, why put out the good china for guys like that?
But, mom would say that they were more than your friends; they were our honored guests!
Mom loved my best friend Dale like he was the third son; I could not say one word against him because as mom would say, “Don’t you talk about my Dale like that!” Still can’t see it……….
Dale and I were talking about what it was like that we remembered when we were at each other’s house recently and he said that mom treated him better than us! Again, why I don’t know!!!
When I ran my youth center group downtown for years, mom became one of my treasured volunteers. After dad passed away, mom came everywhere with us and she had this calming effect on kids.
I would even bring her to school with me and in some schools, mom would read to the students (elementary) but the story I remember most was during one day at one of my high schools, a young man came into my office.
He had a very troubled first 2 years and was starting to make some headway in grade 9.
Mom was sitting in my office when he walked in.
She looked at me and said, “Can you leave for a few minutes please? I need to talk with this young man.”
I said sure.
He told me later on that the conversation he had with mom was a pivotal change in his life and he is on the road to becoming successful years later.
I asked mom later about it: she said that he looked like he needed someone to encourage him to get going and mom did it with a lot of love, truth and grace.
How did she know he needed what she had to transmit and I would say it was not by chance that she was at the school that day and that young man happened to walk by and the in to my office.....
Amazing…..
Mom was our protector; you didn’t want to mess with her boys. As loving as she was, mom wouldn’t let anyone run over her boys. Mom was not a “blinders” mom; she knew she had 2 livewires for sons but we knew she had our backs the “right way”.
Mom knew that Kelly was the girl for me long before I knew anything.
Mom will never know the warmth, kindness, care that she gave Kelly for 22 years with 15 years of those living with us.
Mom was mom to Kelly and nurtured her in areas that Kelly needed with no fanfare; she just did.
The 3 of us had so many good times in the house, on the road, in restaurants, little trips and I am so glad that we made mom part of our equation in all things.
Mom was just mom.
One more: I know where I got my “lingering” habits from. Dad was a lingerer too but mom could linger with the best of them.
I can’t tell you how many times we would go for doctor’s appointments and mom would make friends on the way in but especially on the way out.
I would feel bad that I would be trying to hustle mom out because we had to get somewhere but mom had the “Midas Touch” that she could warm even the hardest heart and get people to talk to her. It would be fascinating to watch…. Except when we had to get somewhere else but I’m glad I got to experience her loving people’s touch.
While she was alive and even after her passing, the many messages and calls telling me stories about how mom loved someone richly or encouraged them or made them feel special or did something unknown to the rest of the world but to that person, it was like receiving Gold!
So to me, I’ve honored a number of unsung heroes already and there are more stories to come in the coming weeks but this unsung hero is very special to me……..
I so miss the “Oh David, can we go for a walk” or “when can we go to Atlanta or Florida to visit Dale” or “You know I’m Bumble Bea; The Stinging Bea” or “You make life for me” or “It’s going to get better”.
This video was done last year to commemorate what would have been Mom’s 95th birthday and although it doesn’t do justice to all that mom meant to us but it could give you a little peak into the unsung hero that was and still is Beatrice Mary Dancy Mills.
Unsung heroes aren’t doing what they do for glory, grandeur or accolades but we need to be thankful because they help make our days, weeks, months better and we are truly better for having them in our lives!
I wish I could have those wrinkly hands touch my face one more time or tell me a dumb joke so we could both laugh like it was the best moment ever or spend 20 minutes at the end of the night getting mom ready for bed, chat and pray with her. How I miss those moments….
Mom; my unsung hero but glad we shared mom with the world she lived in.
Thank you for being an unsung hero Mom; you just were you!!!
Dave
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