It's the end of #Bellletstalk month and I had a lot of ideas to write about but...... We've been dealing with the death of my mom so writing has been difficult but wanted to encourage someone who may be dealing with personal issues that seem to rear their proverbial ugly head and cause anguish. here's some more of my story.
I remember it well; a Friday night downtown after youth meeting... on the roof of a 23 floor apartment with a bunch of friends..
I remember it well; a Friday night downtown after youth meeting... on the roof of a 23 floor apartment with a bunch of friends.. The edge was getting closer and without even realizing it, I was on my hands and knees as I got to the edge.
The voices were screaming in my head to jump when I got to the edge.
The voices were screaming in my head to jump when I got to the edge. My best friend and brother were yelling to me to check out the view and all I could think of was getting to ground level.
One of the effects of that terrible incident that happened when I was 7 yrs old was how depression showed up in my life when I turned 15.
There were many days walking home from school when I would walk on lawns and stayed away from the sidewalks for fear that sometimes, I would want to throw myself into oncoming traffic.
Seems crazy but true. The kid who would be the life of the party, always wanting to make sure everyone else was smiling or okay but sometimes, the head was so cloudy, so scared sometimes to close my eyes at night because I couldn't figure out why I was feeling like I was...
Seems crazy but true. The kid who would be the life of the party, always wanting to make sure everyone else was smiling or okay but sometimes, the head was so cloudy, so scared sometimes to close my eyes at night because I couldn't figure out why I was feeling like I was..
I was in bands, clubs, committees, on youth group committee, part of the choir, orchestra but it didn't stop the dark clouds from rolling in from time to time.
Some people think that those who struggle with mental health issues are weak minded but the truth is, sometimes, we do not struggle for long periods but then we get hit like an avalanche.
Some are in the clouds for long periods but struggling with mental health doesn't discriminate, doesn't have a cookie cutter diagnosis or looks the same.
All we know is that we struggle...
Some are in the clouds for long periods but struggling with mental health doesn't discriminate, doesn't have a cookie cutter diagnosis or looks the same.
All we know is that we struggle...
I've thought about how I made it through some of the troubling times and it occurred to me that there were some people and some things that helped me all along my journey.
Even though I couldn't figure out why I felt like I did, I thank God for my mom who, would always pray for me, cheer me up when I was down, encourage me to keep moving forward when I felt like I couldn't.
My dad would always say I was created to lead and be creative, to keep moving forward even when I couldn't see the next step.
My brother and best friend who, always made me feel like I was in the mix with them. They were the "Boys" but wouldn't let me feel less than..
My church and the people in the community of that congregation who, loved me and encouraged me and even though no one knew how crazy and mixed up my mind was, so many would tell me that they were praying for me, would encourage me and more.
Growing up and learning to lean on my faith, to remember scriptures to encourage me helped me when I felt like life was barely holding me by a thread.
The day that I connected the dots in my case of the depression and suicidal thoughts (many years later) that I had been dealing with for years, was an eye opener.
I knew I had to get some help and it didn't make me weak; it actually helped make sense of the clouds and learning how to clear them and when to take the time to readjust when I would have little jolt moments.
If you struggle with your thoughts, please talk to someone; do not think it weakness to admit your struggle. You are not alone in your battle and sometimes, just because someone doesn't know you struggle and fight, doesn't mean they won't care to hear you when you do reach out.
Please reach out to your friends, family and even those you work with, rub shoulders with. Make that call, send a text, go for coffee, but let's not be stagnant in touching those around us. Scary how we sometimes just take it for granted that just because they're smiling or laughing does not mean all is well.
The clouds have lifted but it was a culmination of love, concern, reaching out and getting the help I needed to get me to today. Don't live under the clouds alone; you don't have to do fight this battle alone.
Don't live under the clouds alone; you don't have to do fight this battle alone.
Pass this along to someone who you may think needs the encouragement to see a glimmer of light in the dark clouds.
There is one scripture that I would always say to myself when it seemed like I couldn't stand under the pressure, the dark clouds.
Psalms 46:1 says "God is our/my refuge and strength in the time(s) of trouble". So good to know I wasn't on my own, even in the worst times..
You are not alone!!!
Dave
#forwardfridays #blog #speaker #hope #depression #mentalhealth #suicide #suicideprevention #Bellletstalk #encouragment #care #call #reachout
Comments